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Home Front: Politix
Joe Biden Announces Civil War
2021-09-10
[Babylon Bee] U.S.—In a stirring address to the country today, Biden has announced a new Civil War.

"Look, folks—here's the deal. For real this time. No joke. The words on the screen I'm supposed to read are saying that we're gonna force millions of people to get vaccinated against their will. Gotta do it folks," said Biden as he read off the teleprompter. "To enforce this, we're just gonna have ourselves a little Civil War. It's been a while since we had one of those. Let's just fight it out until all the unvaccinated people are dead or we're all dead which will stop the spread of COVID. Win-win, folks."

Biden assured the American people they will lose the upcoming Civil War as they don't have any F-15's or nukes. Any unvaccinated Americans who survive will be sent to special camps where they will learn the importance of getting vaccinated.

"For real, I don't see how anyone can be against this! Come on, man!" Biden said.

(UPDATE: After reading an article in the Huffington Post that unvaccinated people are just like the Taliban, Biden immediately surrendered to them and gave them a bunch of free weapons.)
Posted by:Frank G

#12  Another Bee headline, many of which of which have come true. They want it - they have no other way out.
Posted by: Rex Mundi   2021-09-10 21:14  

#11  Have gone?

Embrace the power of 'always have been'.
Posted by: CrazyFool   2021-09-10 19:52  

#10  The people in the White House have gone mad!

No. They are lashing out at the American people.
Posted by: Ebbomoger Speaking for Boskone4589   2021-09-10 18:12  

#9  OK so at first I thought the speech was written by the Onion, then I thought it was edited by the Bee. But alas, I now realize he hired the staff from Comedy Central to run the White House communications and policy.
Posted by: 49 Pan   2021-09-10 18:04  

#8  Incoming voters in the southwest? Afghan refugees coming in all over? And the poor people, who can't afford to get to the clinic.
Posted by: Bobby   2021-09-10 12:49  

#7  All hell will break loose when they try to force all welfare recipients to show proof of COVID-19 vaccination and booster shots on a regular basis.
Posted by: Bubba Lover of the Faeries8843   2021-09-10 11:36  

#6  
Posted by: Skidmark   2021-09-10 09:00  

#5  #4 only the enabling media.
Posted by: Dale   2021-09-10 08:44  

#4  And just like that, no one was talking about Afghanistan anymore....
Posted by: Mercutio   2021-09-10 07:30  

#3  /\ Not that it required re-validation, but there is that axiom about absolute power.
Posted by: Besoeker   2021-09-10 05:32  

#2  ...that crowd went stark raving mad in November 2016.
Posted by: Procopius2k   2021-09-10 05:16  

#1  The Bee isnt really wrong. The speech Biden gave were the words of an autocrat, a dictator, not someone whose first duty is uphold protect and defend the CONSTITUTION, not to "keep people safe".

The people in the White House have gone mad!
Posted by: Chealing Chomotle4158   2021-09-10 01:55  

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