[CHICAGO.SUNTIMES] Six people were shot outside a party late Saturday in Austin on the West Side [of Chicago], including a 12-year-old girl and four other females in their teens.About 11:40 p.m., they were standing with a group on the sidewalk in the 5000 block of West Ohio Street when someone in a dark-colored SUV fired shots, reliably Democrat Chicago, aka The Windy City or Mobtown...home of Al Capone, the Chicago Black Sox, a succession of Daleys, Barak Obama, and Rahm Emmanuel...
police said. Five of the victims, females ranging in age from 12 to 19, were hospitalized in fair condition.
Marshawn Feltus, an Austin resident working to improve the historically
"The party was ruined! Simply ruined!"
"It is so devastating that these get-togethers are turning into mass shootings. And it seems to be more of a common occurrence no matter where throughout the city," Feltus said. "But when young and older people alike are partying, it seems to inevitably turn into some type of mass shooting, which is very disturbing."
Maybe they should try a different kind of cake? Or maybe less sugar in the icing? When I eat sugary icing I always shoot six or seven people. It's the sugar high that does it.
The 12-year-old girl was struck in the hand and driven by family members to West Suburban Medical Center in Oak Park, police said.
"Doctor Houser to the ER, stat!"
Two other girls, 13 and 14, were both shot in the buttocks, and a 19-year-old woman was shot in the back, police said. They were all rushed to Stroger Hospital. A 15-year-old girl was also struck in the buttocks and grazed in the head, and a 25-year-old man was shot in the buttocks, police said. The girl was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital, and the man showed up at the same hospital, but was treated and released, police said.
"My ass! They shot me in the ass!"
"That buttock has to come off! Bring the bucket and the meat scalpel, nurse!"
"You're gonna amputate my ass?""
"Calm down! Lotsa people only have one buttock!"
"Name one!"
"There, there! Now, just count backward from one hundred!"
Ninety nine... zzzxz..."
No arrests have been reported.
"Le Gume, if I'm not mistaken, it's the Mad Buttock Shooters again!"
"Inspector! How do you do it?"
The attack came less than 24 hours after another mass shooting in Austin left a man dead and three others maimed. A police front man couldn't say whether the shootings were connected.
"Well, sure we got 78 people shot in the ass, but that don't mean it's the same people doin' it!"
The earlier shooting happened about 11:55 p.m. Friday in the 700 block of North Lockwood Avenue, where police said the four men were standing when three people approached and opened fire.
BANG! BANG! BANGETTY BANG!
"Aaaiiieee! My buttock!"
Over the last five years, Chicago has recorded the most mass shootings in the nation by far, according to data compiled by the Gun Violence Archive.
"You know, the Bears ain't been so hot recently. They gotta do somethin' for entertainment."
So far this year, Chicago has recorded at least 33 shootings that have maimed four or more victims, according to a Sun-Times analysis of city data. The city is now on pace to surpass the 48 total mass shootings tallied last year, when that number jumped amid a surge inviolent mostly peaceful crime that has continued this year.
"Shooting each other is an old Wakandan tradition. Dates from back before they had abortion clinics. It's population control, basically. Weeds out the slow movers."
Saturday's shooting is the fourth this year in the Austin police district and the third reported within the same beat, records maintained by the Sun-Times show.
"Hmmm... The third on the same beat? And all shot in the ass?"
"Well, they did hit one in the lower back."
"Damn. There goes that theory."
As part of the city's summer safety plan, Mayor Lori Lightfoot
...the diminutive and vacuous Heronner da Mare of Chicago. When the corpse count rises she blames the guns, which are banned anyway. A racist to the bone, Lori sez that people with the same skin tone all think alike, not quite getting the implications for a city with a population less than thirty percent black...
's administration identified 15 "priority community areas" to deploy extra police resources. Austin topped the list because it had the highest number of shootings and homicides between 2018 and 2020.
"We're number one! We're number one!"
While eight of those areas have seen higher or similar rates ofviolent mostly peaceful crime, Austin and six others have experienced a drop off from last year.
Eventually they run out of buttocks.
Austin has seen the greatest decrease in the total number of shootings from last year, according to Sun-Times records. But the neighborhood has still experienced a nearly 18% increase in shooting and homicides compared to 2019.
"Le Gume, if I'm not mistaken, it's the Mad Buttock Shooters again!"
"Inspector! How do you do it?"
The attack came less than 24 hours after another mass shooting in Austin left a man dead and three others maimed. A police front man couldn't say whether the shootings were connected.
"Well, sure we got 78 people shot in the ass, but that don't mean it's the same people doin' it!"
The earlier shooting happened about 11:55 p.m. Friday in the 700 block of North Lockwood Avenue, where police said the four men were standing when three people approached and opened fire.
BANG! BANG! BANGETTY BANG!
"Aaaiiieee! My buttock!"
Over the last five years, Chicago has recorded the most mass shootings in the nation by far, according to data compiled by the Gun Violence Archive.
"You know, the Bears ain't been so hot recently. They gotta do somethin' for entertainment."
So far this year, Chicago has recorded at least 33 shootings that have maimed four or more victims, according to a Sun-Times analysis of city data. The city is now on pace to surpass the 48 total mass shootings tallied last year, when that number jumped amid a surge in
"Shooting each other is an old Wakandan tradition. Dates from back before they had abortion clinics. It's population control, basically. Weeds out the slow movers."
Saturday's shooting is the fourth this year in the Austin police district and the third reported within the same beat, records maintained by the Sun-Times show.
"Hmmm... The third on the same beat? And all shot in the ass?"
"Well, they did hit one in the lower back."
"Damn. There goes that theory."
As part of the city's summer safety plan, Mayor Lori Lightfoot
...the diminutive and vacuous Heronner da Mare of Chicago. When the corpse count rises she blames the guns, which are banned anyway. A racist to the bone, Lori sez that people with the same skin tone all think alike, not quite getting the implications for a city with a population less than thirty percent black...'s administration identified 15 "priority community areas" to deploy extra police resources. Austin topped the list because it had the highest number of shootings and homicides between 2018 and 2020.
"We're number one! We're number one!"
While eight of those areas have seen higher or similar rates of
Eventually they run out of buttocks.
Austin has seen the greatest decrease in the total number of shootings from last year, according to Sun-Times records. But the neighborhood has still experienced a nearly 18% increase in shooting and homicides compared to 2019.