[Babylon Bee] LOS ANGELES, CA—BLM co-founder and "trained Marxist" Patrisse Cullors has called for defunding the police in response to police shootings. She later clarified, however, that she only supports abolishing police in all the areas where she doesn't live. "The police in my wealthy white area of LA can stay," she said. "And the ones around my home in Atlanta. Also, the ones who protect my other home in Albany. I think I have a fourth house too, but I can't remember where it is. Wherever it is, the police there can stick around as well."
According to sources, Cullors needs all these properties for her important work, and to hide from the urban hellscapes where police are being defunded.
"I need a lot of houses. All good Marxists have a lot of houses!" said Cullors.
Police have assured Cullors that they will remain at full strength in the wealthy, majority-white neighborhoods where she lives.
Bernie Sanders reportedly condemned Cullors after finding out she now has more houses than he does.