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| Pelosi Announces Every $600 Check Will Come With Free Slice Of Cake |
| 2020-12-23 |
| [Babylon Bee] WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi has announced that every $600 stimulus check will come with a free slice of cake for Americans to eat. She made the announcement in a speech yesterday after the stimulus bill was criticized for not doing enough for the middle class. The amendment to the $900 billion stimulus bill, coupled with the reasonable $2.3 trillion spending bill for the federal government, means that in addition to getting $600 created out of thin air, each American will get a slice of chocolate cake. "Americans have been suffering, so we need to let them eat cake," she said in front of Congress yesterday. "We closed down their businesses for the past nine months, so it's the least we can do. Really. I do mean that. The least." Congress considered ice cream for every America, but Pelosi vetoed it as it was too expensive to give every American a $13 quart of the brand she eats. There was also talk of giving the option of vanilla cake, but that was shot down as being racist. |
| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #9 I want some of Pelosi's ice cream. |
| Posted by: Bubba Lover of the Faeries8843 2020-12-23 23:06 |
| #8 Ima holding out for a unicorn, but I'll settle for a pony. |
| Posted by: Raj 2020-12-23 13:41 |
| #7 If I deposit my check at 3 in the morning, does it become $2000? |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2020-12-23 12:56 |
| #6 The cake is a lie! |
| Posted by: Thing From Snowy Mountain 2020-12-23 10:45 |
| #5 Nancy's promised a lucky few can lick her gourmet ice cream spoon. |
| Posted by: Ulavirong Omeager2818 2020-12-23 08:32 |
| #4 Shares in Brioche manufacturers up after "stimulus" bill passes. Taxpayers now get some of their own money to spend with the IOU to be sent in the post! |
| Posted by: Bright Pebbles 2020-12-23 05:04 |
| #3 Hey, lunch for two at the French Laundry (drinks excluded). |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2020-12-23 02:15 |
| #2 I don't know. Knowing Queen Nancy it's plausible. Entirely Plausable. Remember it was she who called Trump's relieve package 'crumbs' and it was much larger than this. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2020-12-23 01:12 |
| #1 too obvious. Up $1 |
| Posted by: Shesing Flolurong4341 2020-12-23 00:45 |