[Babylon Bee] U.S.—Democrat experts are warning the public to avoid excess amounts of thankfulness this year after studies showed that feelings of gratefulness often lead to conservatism. "I cannot overstate how dangerous this is," said DNC Chair Tom Perez. "If people start forgetting their many grievances and injustices, they may begin to think of living in America as a profound blessing from some non-existent deity and start voting for Republicans. This is unacceptable."
According to recently published studies, people who are filled with lasting gratefulness to God for the blessings of living in 21st century America -- the freest, most prosperous, country that has ever existed on Earth -- are approximately infinity times more likely to become conservatives.
"We cannot allow people to acknowledge God, since that may cause people to feel less loyal to benevolent government overlords," said Perez.
Democrats recommend limiting your thankfulness to a 5-second thought or fleeting acknowledgment this season. After that, it is recommended you re-enter your victim mentality as soon as possible to avoid any further damage to it.
"This Thanksgiving, stay safe," said Perez, "and stay a victim."