[Babylon Bee] WILMINGTON, DE—Having completed the final presidential debate, Biden’s campaign has now announced they’re calling a lid until Election Day."Biden needs the next eleven days to prepare for his acceptance speech," Biden’s campaign manager Jen O'Malley Dillon told reporters as she kept an eye on poll numbers. "So do not try to ask him questions or get statements from him, because that’s just going to confuse him."
Dillon then offered that reporters could instead talk to Kamala Harris, but no one wanted to talk to Kamala Harris. They really had a number of questions for Biden, but Dillion explained that there is now a time lock on Biden’s basement and that it would be impossible to open the door and get to him before Election Day evening. "Just basic campaign stuff," Dillion explained.
Campaign aides are working feverishly to help Biden recoup from his exhausting debate with Trump and are hoping to keep him going at least until the inauguration when they will likely impeach him for corruption if he's still alive at that point.
President Donald Trump later came by to make fun of Biden for hiding but was unable to find him due to the blacked-out curtains in every window of the mansion.