Submit your comments on this article |
-Short Attention Span Theater- |
Rioters Decline To Sign Colin Kaepernick |
2020-05-30 |
[Babylon Bee] MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Colin Kaepernick arrived at the Minneapolis riots last night, saying he was excited to be a part of the looting and violence. Kaepernick tried out for the riots by throwing bricks into windows but missed every time. He was able to rush a Molotov cocktail into a target window and then spike it on the ground, but then he caught fire. Finally, in a last-ditch effort to get selected for one of the riot squads, he filmed a workout video and sent it to various protester organizations but hadn't heard back as of publishing time. "While we appreciate Kaepernick's enthusiasm, we need someone who can lob a Molotov cocktail accurately," said a representative for the rioters. "We wish him the best of luck in his future rioting career. We believe Kaepernick will land on his feet with another rioting organization. Maybe Chicago or Louisville will want him." The former quarterback quickly blamed his failed rioting career on racism. |
Posted by:Besoeker |
#8 ^ sorry to disappoint, C., but his next hair pattern will be buckeye leaves for his tOSU tryout |
Posted by: Lex 2020-05-30 11:14 |
#7 Go Buckeyes! |
Posted by: Clem 2020-05-30 11:07 |
#6 Hair stripes or a Michigan Wolverines helmet? He's not going back to school, is he? |
Posted by: Lex 2020-05-30 11:03 |
#5 Good one Bee. Made my morning. |
Posted by: JohnQC 2020-05-30 10:22 |
#4 Hair stripes? Give me my hair back and I'll have them tomorrow. My old barber would be useless to the task, but somebody in Atlanta surely knows how to do that. |
Posted by: Besoeker 2020-05-30 10:04 |
#3 OOOh, That's cold! Downright nasty.... hahahahah |
Posted by: Minnesota Pats 2020-05-30 09:58 |
#2 Love the Bee! Nothing but net with this shot. |
Posted by: magpie 2020-05-30 01:58 |
#1 Actually his open-field running skills might have served these fools better |
Posted by: Lex 2020-05-30 01:34 |