[Babylon Bee] NEW YORK, NY‐Things were not looking good for Harvey Weinstein as a judge found him guilty of rape and sexual assault Monday.But thinking quickly, Weinstein asserted that he was simply living his own truth, and he was let off scot-free.
"I was simply being true to myself, and my self happens to be a pervert. Baby, I was born this way," he said. "My inner compass told me to make each day my masterpiece, to dance like no one is watching, and to do whatever I feel is right, no matter what society thinks."
"As a favorite preacher of mine says, I was simply living my best life now," he added.
The judge was moved to tears and instantly declared he would be cleared of all charges.
"We are so sorry to have judged you for living out your truth," the judge said. "You do you."