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Home Front: Politix
Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American People'
2019-11-16
[Babylon Bee] In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people."

The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart.

"If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me away for years! Throw me in the dungeon and toss the key in the garbage!"

She also confessed to lesser crimes of being "a woman of the people" and "extremely relatable."

"I can't help it if I'm just really good at connecting with the common man, who may only own two or three modest homes and wear suits worth less than $1,000," she said. "I'm just that really down-to-earth kind of person, and you can't blame me for that. It's just who I am, fam!"
Posted by:Frank G

#7  The woman is unwell. Urgently in need of medical, definitely physiological and maybe psychotropic intervention.
Posted by: Lex    2019-11-16 23:20  

#6  SCFI, you clever b**ta*d, you stole my joke!
Posted by: AlmostAnonymous5839   2019-11-16 23:18  

#5  Channeling Robert Bloch: "I keep them in a drawer at home".
Posted by: Mercutio   2019-11-16 12:38  

#4  Yea, she steal hearts Mayan style...
Posted by: Seeking Cure For Ignorance   2019-11-16 12:29  

#3  'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American People'

Well, if you ever supported Planned Parenthood, parts be parts.
Posted by: Procopius2k   2019-11-16 11:03  

#2  It's amazing. The only reason this joke works is everyone knows she's a criminal. And yet she still wants to run.
Posted by: ruprecht   2019-11-16 10:15  

#1  "I'm gonna... get me a beer!"
Posted by: Raj   2019-11-16 09:46  

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