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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Man Sure Is Glad He Switched From E-Cigs To Regular, Healthier Cigarettes
[Babylon Bee] GRASS VALLEY, CA‐In response to a record of nearly 10 deaths that could possibly relate to the use of e-cigarettes and vaping, lawmakers in multiple states have begun introducing legislation to curb what has clearly become an epidemic.

"The only option here is to enact a new law restricting what people can do with their own bodies!" New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced while signing off on a state-wide ban on flavored e-cigarettes. He then left to give a speech on the importance of protecting a woman’s right to tear her unborn child to pieces.

Meanwhile, the California state legislature nearly outlawed all forms of vaping after spinning their giant "Wheel of Banning" to determine which activity would be legally prohibited this week. However, they had to spin again after the wheel landed between "Vaping" and "Driving P.T. Cruisers."

Nathan Quandt is a former e-cigarette user from Grass Valley, CA. Like many others, he recently made the transition to tobacco cigarettes after learning about the immediate dangers of vaping.

"Since tobacco products are all still legal, they must be a much safer alternative," Quandt said while deeply inhaling some nourishing cigarette fumes. "Obviously, the government would only take action if this was a true crisis, and not because of some arbitrary reason like bandwagoning or virtue-signaling!"

"Thanks to my three daily packs of American Spirits, I was able to give up such a dangerous and unhealthy lifestyle very quickly and easily!"
Posted by:Besoeker

#7  Train them on the Bong.
Posted by: Skidmark   2019-09-30 23:09  

#6  Those of us that have kids using that crap need to look hard into it.
Posted by: 49 Pan   2019-09-30 15:25  

#5  This is funny! But in truth, all of the deaths have to do with CBD oils. More pointedly, the medium that the CBD oils are suspended in.
Posted by: 49 Pan   2019-09-30 15:24  

#4  One of the Bee's writers is none other than Frank J. Fleming (IMAO)
Posted by: Frank G   2019-09-30 12:01  

#3  Yes. Legal Marijuana is all about the taxes. So one I know showed me so legal weed from Colorado with a nice department of revenue stamp on it. "So, you keep the bag to put whatever you buy from wherever in?" "Pretty much..."
Posted by: M. Murcek   2019-09-30 11:56  

#2  "Since tobacco products are all still legal, they must be a much safer alternative,"

Heh, gotta love the Bee! A cynical person might think banning e-cigs had something to do with the billions in taxes the states make off tobacco sales.
Posted by: SteveS   2019-09-30 11:37  

#1  Just when you thought the Babylon Bee couldn't get any better!

The "Wheel of Banning" alone makes this article great!
Posted by: Tom   2019-09-30 11:24