[Babylon Bee] U.S..‐A new Reuters poll released Friday indicated that 100% of people who are James Comey believe that James Comey did nothing wrong as the director of the FBI.Pollsters called exactly one guy: James Comey, and asked him how well he thought James Comey handled himself as FBI director. Of those James Comeys surveyed, 100% of them thought that James Comey's conduct was impeccable and that he served his country well.
"Yeah, James Comey? That guy is a national hero," said one of the people who were surveyed, speaking anonymously. "Of all the people in the nation who could have handled a tough situation like that, James Comey was the man to do it."
Every single person surveyed also believed that James Comey is owed an apology by those who criticized his handling of sensitive information and his violation of FBI rules. "I'm waiting," said James Comey when he saw the poll results. "This survey just shows that there is a real consensus here as to who the good guy is: me."
Comey said he will be going door to door asking for an apology from every single person in the nation one by one.