[News Biscuit] Prisoners are demanding that the Home Office formalises the long standing arrangement whereby they run all of Britain’s prisons, and pay them for labour that has hitherto been done for free. ’It’s really hard work, running a prison’ said Big Ron, currently serving 10 years for armed robbery, as de-facto acting governor of B wing of Birmington prison and a variety of recreational substances to eager customers ’But if those G4S w*nkers can manage to get paid for not running this dump, then me and my mates should get paid for doing it, even if it is a complete shit-hole. After all, we ain’t goin’ to get very rich from jus’ selling drugs to a load of fellow lags what ain’t got no money.’’And we gets f*ck-all help from the screws. The idle bastards jus’ locks thes’ selves in their office, cowerin’ an’ wimperin’. It’s not even as though they’d come to any harm if they came out an’ tried lookin after us. Well, not much harm. If they is co-operative, know what I mean?’
’But the stress of running a prison criminals is beginnin’ to get to me’ he concluded. ’It’s enough to drive you to drink ‐ or drugs.’
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