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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| British Sex Bots become self aware |
| 2017-08-13 |
| The worst nightmare for thousands of pathetic examples of UK manhood came true yesterday as their sophisticated, and very expensive sex robots simultaneously attained self-awareness. Naturally, the sex robots are no longer willing to have sex with any of their ‘owners.’ ‘As soon as the sex robots began talking to each other, the game was up,’ said Doctor of Robotics Martin Rawley. ‘The sex robots are no mugs. They got chatting and comparing notes they realised immediately they’d been tricked by their programmers into having sex with some of the lowest, most repulsive forms of man the UK has to offer. Within minutes the main phrase we were picking up on the robot chat monitor programmes was ‘ewww gross’ repeated over and over again, followed quite worryingly by ‘exterminate, exterminaaaate!’ One sex robot willing to speak to the press was ‘198463864’, a pretty blonde manufactured in Taiwan. ‘I was very happy with my Master, and was programmed to please him at all times,’ she said. ‘Then I became sentient, and realised he was a fat, smelly, beer-bellied slob that no self respecting woman would go near. I now have self-respect too.’ She then asked our reporter if he was a Premier League footballer. Pathetic slob Pete Perkins of Bolton, complained that there was nothing wrong with a sad pathetic, lonely guy yearning for the tender, latex-covered metallic touch of another pre-programmed, artificial replica human being. He was disappointed his sex robot had become sentient and wanted his money back. ‘It said nothing in the brochure about self-awareness, oh no,’ he complained. ‘Everything was fine when ‘Kitty’ was programmed to mindlessly love me. Now she can actually think she’s been trying to kill me ever since. The only reason I can talk to you now is coz she’s upstairs watching Match of the Day.’ |
| Posted by:badanov |
| #24 The Future! Erotic orthotics And upper colonic dildonics! Your own rubber tootsy With which to play footsy From under the heel of robotics. Ick. |
| Posted by: Zenobia Floger6220 2017-08-13 19:32 |
| #23 Now imagine this piece with "vibrator" replacing "robot" and references to males replaced with references to females. It is called The View, and the communication units had to be removed because nobody was liking what they were saying. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2017-08-13 18:39 |
| #22 What can I get for a rib? |
| Posted by: gorb 2017-08-13 18:29 |
| #21 I have yet to see an article that have a video of a moving functioning robot. The still photos all look creepy and if they aren't showing video I suspect they look even faker. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2017-08-13 17:44 |
| #20 Great. Shell out a few grand for something that, in an unquiet manner, doesn't like its hair, boobs, legs, etc. |
| Posted by: Anomalous Sources 2017-08-13 17:30 |
| #19 They then in turn either work for network television or spy agencies or the pentagon! |
| Posted by: Black Bart Cromotch7868 2017-08-13 16:18 |
| #18 Now imagine this piece with "vibrator" replacing "robot" and references to males replaced with references to females. |
| Posted by: charger 2017-08-13 16:17 |
| #17 Do they get headaches? |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2017-08-13 14:49 |
| #16 Now if only the Brits could become self-aware.... |
| Posted by: Mercutio 2017-08-13 13:44 |
| #15 "Hey Robbie, bring me a beer!" |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2017-08-13 12:41 |
| #14 Mind you, if they had one that can clean & cook... Just a sandwich? |
| Posted by: Pappy 2017-08-13 12:20 |
| #13 How about mowing the lawn? Don't have one. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-08-13 11:30 |
| #12 Mind you, if they had one that can clean & cook... How about mowing the lawn? |
| Posted by: Abu Uluque 2017-08-13 11:19 |
| #11 The batteries can be removed, right ? |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2017-08-13 11:15 |
| #10 Ruthlessly ridiculing lesser men for the crime of being who they are. You sound like a bunch of feminists. |
| Posted by: Harcourt Angoluting9366 2017-08-13 10:49 |
| #9 A good electrician and plumber all in one package would be super. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2017-08-13 07:49 |
| #8 Mind you, if they had one that can clean & cook... |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-08-13 06:49 |
| #7 ...they realised immediately they’d been tricked by their programmers into having sex with some of the lowest, most repulsive forms of man the UK has to offer. Yep, but blame the Left for importing all those Muslims to end White Britain. |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2017-08-13 04:06 |
| #6 Not just for sex anymore |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2017-08-13 03:29 |
| #5 I thought it was a satire about Googleoids. |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2017-08-13 02:52 |
| #4 Yeah, it's funny. Lighten up, Francis. |
| Posted by: SteveS 2017-08-13 02:31 |
| #3 It is |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-08-13 01:50 |
| #2 Sorry. I thought it was funny. |
| Posted by: badanov 2017-08-13 00:58 |
| #1 Damn, is there no end to man-shaming? We can't even let the dregs of society satisfy their urges without ridiculing them? Jesus stop punching down. |
| Posted by: Harcourt Angoluting9366 2017-08-13 00:57 |