Kim Jong-Un was Wednesday "re-elected" as North Korea's leader, state media said, as parliament met in a session closely watched for power shifts in the secretive regime following the shock execution of his once-powerful uncle.The new parliament is expected to endorse personnel changes that observers say are likely to
Kim was reaffirmed as First Chairman of the powerful National Defence Commission (NDC) by the new parliament, in a show of "absolute support and trust of all service personnel and people in him", the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) said.
"Anybody who doesn't want to vote for me go stand in that pre-dug mass grave over there and wait to be dismissed."
The rubber-stamp assembly -- the first under the leadership of Kim who took over from his father in December 2011 -- gathered after North Koreans last month cast ballots in pre-determined elections where all candidates were unopposed.
Surely they had the opportunity write in their own candidates.
Upon his re-election, "all the deputies and participants in the session broke into stormy cheers of 'hurrah!', extending the highest glory and warmest congratulations to him," KCNA said.
God himself wants to talk to you. Here's my sidearm, he hates to be kept waiting.
Kim also serves as first secretary of the ruling Workers' Party of Korea and supreme commander of the Korean People's Army, but his re-election as head of the top military body confers upon him ultimate power in the heavily militarised state.
And in recognition of this auspicious occasion let me place this tank on your head like we did with your dad and granddad.
On Tuesday, top party leaders met to decide on
The session of the parliament, the Supreme
Kim led Tuesday's meeting of the ruling party's high-level political bureau, which discussed
Wednesday's opening parliamentary session comes after "elections" last month in which single candidates -- approved by the political elite -- stood uncontested. Kim notably managed a perfect turnout in his own constituency.
Good. Because you wouldn't want to have someone else vote for you.
Analysts say the changes may affect the powerful NDC chaired by Kim, in which Jang served as vice chairman.
How do you vote, temporary NDC Chairman?
"Woof!"
Good boy.
Several other elderly military leaders -- such as defence minister Jang Jong-Nam and Ri Yong-Gil, chief of the military's general staff -- are seen as likely to take seats at the NDC, replacing Jang and his suspected associate, former police chief Ri Myong-Su.
"After you."
"No, after you!"
North Korea's leaders are also believed to have discussed plans for the future of the party's key administration department, which was headed by Jang.
Until it was beheaded at Pudgy's drunken request. For which he is very sorry. Until he decides to dip into the cognac again.
Through the department, Jang controlled not only the Stalinist state's police and justice system but also went beyond his remit, intervening in economic and military affairs, Professor Yang Moo-Jin of the University of North Korean Studies said.
The parliament meets only once or twice a year, mostly for day-long sessions to rubber-stamp budgets or other decisions made by the ruling Korean Workers Party.
"Do you know how to put together a budget?"
"No."
"Do you know how to use a rubber stamp?"
"Yes."
"Great. You're in. Don't forget to show up to vote."
The last session in April 2013 adopted a special order formalising North Korea's position as a nuclear-armed state -- a status that both South Korea and the United States have vowed not to recognise.
Do not pi$$ off Obean!
Wednesday's session comes amid high tensions between the two Koreas following a series of threats by Pyongyang in protest to ongoing Seoul-Washington military drills.
Followed by the obligatory shelling of vacated waters on both sides. Move along folks.
The North since last month held a string of rocket and short-range missile tests followed by its first mid-range missile launch since 2009 held on March 26.
I wonder what their excuse for testing their missile technologies would be if we didn't hold these drills.
Two Koreas traded fire across the tense Yellow Sea border last week after the North dropped some 100 shells across the border during a live-fire drill, prompting Seoul to fire back.
"Bang bang."
"Bang bang."
"See you next year."
"Yup. 'Til next time."
Kim last week warned of a "very grave situation" in a meeting with his top army leaders.
Even more grave than the annual Christmas Tree Insult?
South Korean President Park Geun-Hye called Monday for tighter vigilance against the North after Pyongyang warned of a prospect of a "new form of nuclear test" on March 30.
That ought to fix it.