Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's campaign is staunchly denying reports that the former chief executive of Godfather's Pizza was involved in a sexual harassment case, saying the allegations are "questionable."Oh, Herman! Say it ain't so! Not Anita Hill!
Cain's chief of staff, Mark Block, said on MSNBC today that the GOP candidate "has never sexually harassed anyone. Period. End of story."
She was a good-looking babe. Herman could tell she was trouble when she swiveled through his door...
"Every negative word and accusation in the article is sourced to a series of unnamed or anonymous sources. Questionable at best," Block said of the Politico report, which found that Cain was accused of inappropriate behavior by two women during his tenure as National Restaurant Association head from 1996 to 1999.
"Hello, Big Boy," she said, leaning forward far enough for one of her bosoms to escape from its low-cut restraint. "I need a job!"
Per Politico, "the women complained of sexually suggestive behavior by Cain that made them angry and uncomfortable, the sources said, and they signed agreements with the restaurant group that gave them financial payouts to leave the association. The agreements also included language that bars the women from talking about their departures."
"What's your name, toots?" Herman asked, trying to keep his eyes from bulging into the proffered udder.
Block said he is not aware of any cash settlement, and maintained Cain's innocence.
"Anita. Anita Hill."
"Mr. Cain has never sexually harassed anyone, period," he said, adding that when he asked his boss of the allegations, he said "the story is not true. Bring me some facts. Bring me the accuser."
"Beat it," Herman sneered. "And take your resume with you! This is the National Restaurant Association, not Brandeis University!"
Cain, 65, will address the allegations today, Block said.
She pulled herself to her feet, no mean accomplishment, given the size of her mammary apparatus.
When confronted on the trail Sunday about the report, Cain refused to comment, even asking the reporter whether he had ever been accused of sexual harassment. His spokesman dubbed the accusations "garbage" and "a total distraction."
"You ain't hirin' me because I'm a woman!" she snarled. "You ain't heard the last of me, buster!"
Cain is in Washington, D.C. today, where he is first speaking about his 9-9-9 tax plan at the conservative American Enterprise Institute and then later at a luncheon at the National Press Club.
"I'd be quivering in my boots, toots," Herman said, "if I was wearing boots. Get back to the groves of acadamia with the rest of the nuts!"
At the AEI event this morning, Cain refused to answer a question about the charges, saying that "I will go by the ground rules that my hosts have set," which is discussing just his 9-9-9 plan.
"We can leave my sex life, or lack thereof, out of it. I'm 65 years old, fergawdsake! Surely I can be allowed some dignity?"
According to Politico, the conversations between Cain and the two women who accused him of inappropriate behavior were "filled with innuendo or personal questions of a sexually suggestive nature, taking place at hotels during conferences, at other officially sanctioned restaurant association events and at the association's offices.
"He called me... [sniff!]... He called me toots!... Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo!"
"There were also descriptions of physical gestures that were not overtly sexual but that made women who experienced or witnessed them uncomfortable and that they regarded as improper in a professional relationship," the article stated.
God Gawd! Not overtly sexual? How low can the man go? Well, I'd definitely changing my vote to Nader!