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| Down Under |
| Because you're not allowed to rape sluts either |
| 2011-05-28 |
| Slutwalk: for the free woman in all of us By CATHERINE DEVENY I’ll be at Slutwalk with my three sons aged eight, nine and 13. They’ll be wearing tee shirts that read ‘YOU‘RE NOT ALLOWED TO RAPE SLUTS EITHER’. Sure, I could go vintage with ‘FAT CHICKS SHIT ME’, rocking the retro with ‘ALL YOU VIRGINS THANKS FOR NOTHING’ or getting my postmodern on with ‘NO ROOT NO RIDE’ but they just don’t cut it. ‘You’re not allowed to rape sluts either’ is the message we need to get across. The medieval caveat on slut rape has expired. Sluts are people too, I don’t know much about sluts but I know what I like, I’m a slut and I vote… and so forth. Just quietly I’m rapt with the slogan. It’s not mine. It was my boyfriend Anthony’s response when I asked if he was coming to Slutwalk. “Sure. Cause you’re not allowed to rape sluts either”. “What’s in it for me?” he asked. “A shag,” I said, “And an opportunity to meet heaps of sluts.” “Cool. I’ll bring Mum. She loves sluts.” “Didn’t she used to be one?” “I think she still is.” “Ah bless her. Tell her we’ll pick her up at noon. And to wear something slutty.” LOL LOL Anthony’s father’s only advice to him about women was “all women are molls”. He grew up watching his father abuse, diminish, degrade and undermine women he loved. Many other beautiful men in my circle may not have been fathered by such plain-speaking and non-apologetic misogynists but grew up surrounded by strong subliminal messages from men they were expected to look up to, relentless one-dimensional images in the media of sexual objectification of women and the constant representation of females as trophies, slaves, bitches or service providers. The subterfuge made it more confusing. It would have been clearer if they just came out and said it. But that’s the point? “She wouldn’t sleep with you so now you’re calling her a slut. What?” Despite what you may have been lead to believe misogyny is not genetic, inherited and nor is it a default setting. Slut shaming may be a comfort or convenient excuse for some but it diminishes all men by inferring that none of them have any ability, responsibility or desire to control their sexual urges. Where is it written that it’s the job of women to be The Gatekeepers Of Sexuality? And who says no man has ever considered any woman ever as anything other than a F--k Thing (calm down, someone used that term on QandA on Monday so it’s okay. She was doctor). What crap. As a mother of boys, a lover of men and just a plain old human being this idea men have no honour, decency, basic courtesy, no ability for restraint and no sense of judgment I find deeply offensive and profoundly troubling. Indeedly, I also. And I can’t help wondering who has a vested interest in propagating this myth. And why. Because someone has. Only a very small percentage of men are creeps. (Noted there is a disproportionate amount of them in the NRL, AFL and the Catholic Church unfair not to mention Islam at this point I think... but at least Hilaly reference to follow.) Perhaps the propagation of this myth is to excuse the behaviour of a few, to lower the standards for all and set everyone’s expectations to Neanderthal. Anthony’s father was not a good man. But an inspiration. He was an effective anti-role model. In his teens Anthony, not surprisingly found no shortage of great men to teach him how to be a man. I say, not surprisingly, because most blokes are grouse. yay! You can easily get bogged down in arguments. About the meaning of the word slut, the use of the word, if a protest is a good idea, if this is the right kind of protest, if it’s as good as the Reclaim The Night rallies, if there are better ways to tackle the problem (insert duplicitous words like ‘inappropriate’, ‘provocative’ and ‘self- respect’ here). Don’t get bogged down. Just go. Someone once said to me (and I wish I could remember who because it’s brilliant) ‘Conservatives eat other people’s babies. Progressives eat their own’. Which is sadly often the case. The amount of nit picking, analysing, defining and tribalism the left can complicate things with as a by-product of ‘every kid gets a kick of the footy’ and ‘that’s the exception to prove the rule’ can rid all steam from an idea before it even begins. Organised fascism is far more effective at getting stuff done than fractious bickering egalitarianism. How long until the slut splinter groups emerge? Sluts Against Sluts, Sluts For Jesus, Feminists Sluts Collective, The United Coalition of Sluts, Scrags and Slags, Sluts Anonymous, Planking Sluts? The word slut is loaded and powerful. And it’s been made that way to control women. If you’re looking for an exhaustive and definitive unpacking of the word ‘slut’ you’ll have to wait for my up and coming book Sluts For Dummies. For now let’s stick with ‘You’re not allowed to rape sluts either’. This is the clearest, simplest and most accurate message we need to get across to everyone. Huzzah! It’s as simple as this. If you believe that no-one deserves to be raped or sexually abused come to or support Slutwalk. If you understand and would like others to understand that if a woman is labelled as a ‘slut’ (a term open to debate) by her behaviour or attire the moron majority consider it as a fair reason to blame her for being raped or sexually assaulted then come to or support Slutwalk. If you understand that debating if a victim of rape or sexual abuse’s clothes or activities were sluttish is futile and counterproductive and the only effective way forward is to dissolve, dismantle and distort the common use of the word slut in an attempt to lessen ‘being, dressing or acting like a slut’ as an excuse for rape or sexual abuse then please come to or support Slutwalk. Forget about the hair splitting and think of Slutwalk like when a kid comes back from having chemotherapy and the whole class has their head shaved. It’s like that. Brilliant! As far as the word being ‘offensive’ ‘inappropriate’ or ‘provocative’ according to who? Explain. Unpack. It’s a word with power used to control. And it’s just a word. Meanings and uses of words change. Use it frequently e.g. ‘Would anyone fancy a cup of slut?’ Only if it's a nice *hot* cup of slut! The word slut has an ability to generate an amount of heat that demonstrates how important it is to find where that heat comes from. What it says about us. What is actually behind the power and fear of the word slut? A terror of female sexuality? yes, i think so The fear of the power unleashed if we let women go about their day unchallenged and unmolested by their sexual choices? There are well-meaning moron apologists on the comment threads of Slutwalk articles saying, “I don’t agree with rape and sexual abuse. I think it’s wrong. I don’t like it and it’s not nice but it’s true. If a woman dresses inappropriately, she’s naïve not to realise she is putting herself at risk”. Clementine Ford has written an upcoming piece subtly pointing out how mainstream Australia is comfortable saying these things but for Sheik Al Hilay to talk about women being like uncovered meat left out for the cat and not being the cat’s fault for eating it but the meat for being uncovered well that’s outrageous. that would be a point but for the Islamic community sanctioning the rape of non-muslims evidenced by family members of leb gang rapist Bilal Skaf who turned up at his trial and spat at the victims. At least Westerners know its wrong. What’s with the ‘she was asking for it’? If someone driving a brand new BMW has their car stolen why do we never hear, ‘They were asking for it’? Or if someone with a multi-million dollar house get robbed? We’re never told ‘They were asking for it’. Or if someone is stabbed at an ATM? ‘Oh he was asking for it flaunting his money and withdrawing in a back street after dark.’ And yes I know you can’t find logic from something that has not come from logic but there seems to be no victim of rape or sexual assault whose circumstances, behaviour or attire cannot be found as ‘sluttish’ and therefore ‘asking for it’. The only one who wasn’t asking for it is the 85-year-old woman asleep in her bed raped by an intruder. But, between you and I, you should have seen her nightie… The urge for women to ‘not dress like sluts’. Can someone explain how covering up has been sold as some guarantee of rape proofing a woman? It’s not. There is no less sexual abuse in societies where women are forced to cover up. It’s not like sunscreen. LOL LOL A mate of mine asked if I thought he should take his daughters aged five and eight to Slutwalk. Absolutely, I said. ‘The earlier the words are dissolved of power and the code is explained the better. This is education. Think history, religion and politics. Never too young.’ I told him I wished someone had taken me to Slutwalk when I was five. Instead I was bussed into anti-abortion rallies by the Catholic Church. He said, “See this worries me, ‘cause if you turned out the way you did from that, my kids will end up in church.” true... My 13-year-old is all “I know all of this. Why do I have to go?”. To set an example, to support, to perhaps find out something you didn’t know. We all find ourselves in situations and only afterward think of what we wished we’d done or said. Immersing ourselves in the subject equips us with the words and familiarises us with the situations before they happen which gives us the jump. I explained that he may be in a situation one day where he can speak out, set an example and keep someone safe. There’s a girl passed out, and a mate says, “She won’t know. Let’s have a go. You first”. He’s in a car full of young fellas trying to impress each other and they pull up next to a staggering 15-year-old girl they leer, jeer and call her a slut. When someone is photographed or videoed unaware in circumstances which are private and the image is about to be texted, Tweeted or Facebooked. He can say “No, not cool,’ and help them get home safe. Good point, good teaching point. I told my sons about a program I saw on sexual abuse education currently being used with footballers. Particularly the stunning difference in reaction when the players were shown a clip of a woman waking up next to a man she had had sex with the night before after a drunken night to the players reaction to a clip of a man waking up next to a man he had had sex with the night before after a drunken night. I explained to them the widely accepted but slowly changing double standard. pinpointed... you can almost hear them thinking... but she's a slut so it's OK. Incorrect, boyz My sons have a choice of tee-shirts. Between YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO RAPE SLUTS EITHER, MY MOTHER IS A SLUT or MY MUM TOOK ME TO SLUTWALK AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEE-SHIRT. And they can wear a jumper over the top. tremendous! The question should not be why I am taking my sons to Slutwalk. But perhaps, what is more illuminating is why others would question it. My boys and I will be wearing tee-shirts but you don’t have to. There is no Slutwalk dress code. Come as you are and come as who you are. Just come. And bring your kids. And if not, support people who are. Or come up with a better idea. Or do something. Not just boycott and criticise it because you don’t think it’s perfect way to prevent rape and sexual assault. Because when you don’t know what to do, do anything. Cause you’re not allowed to rape sluts either. Yes, ma'am, brilliant and persuasive argument with a few laughs thrown in for kicks, you have won me!! ** Catherine Deveny is a writer, comedian, social commentator and slut. Slutwalk: Sydney June 13 |
| Posted by:anon1 |
| #2 isn't DSK in home detention now? He's keeping his mouth shut or he'll be going straight back to the island.... This is likely to be BIG in Sydney were we were subjected to a number of years of gang rapes by leb muslim gangs who viewed non-muslim women as "sluts" - drove them from house to house, raped them then hosed them down, drove to another house. Relatives were involved, friends involved - up to 200 adult males involved but only 3 ever went to jail. |
| Posted by: anon1 2011-05-28 20:52 |
| #1 Ask Dominique Strauss-Kahn for his opinion. |
| Posted by: Anonymoose 2011-05-28 09:15 |
