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| New Yorkers soon to get emergency cell phone alerts |
| 2011-05-11 |
| "Making sure that [people] get useful and life-saving information, quickly and easily, right on their mobile phones, will help more people get out of harm's way when a threat exists," said the faceless bureaucrat. "The messages, including urgent blasts from the President, information on imminent threats and Amber Alerts about missing children, will supercede all other phone traffic so they won't be stalled or delayed." [brrring] "Hello? Jack, it's Julie. Jack, I think we're in trouble. Listen, the plane's acting strangely. OMG it just turned hard. Jack, I love you...please take care of the kids and do[click] This is the Department of Homeland Security with an important message from your President, Barrack H. Obama. [click] Good morning, fellow Americans. I have been notified by my National Security Advisor that blah blah blah..... ..blah blah and be assured that I am doing the appropriate thing in this unforseen emergency. You may now redial any calls you might have been conducting before I made this important announcement. But, before I release the line, I want to remind you to be always watching out for anything unusual, which can be reported on our hot line, 800 234 4321 800 234 4321. That's 800 234 4321. Also, when you start to run, I'd like to remind the ladies that they can run faster if they remove their high heels. Michelle and I want to wish you the best of luck. Now, before you go, I'm advised that there are a few Amber Alerts to process. Be sure to click the # key to acknowledge each [splang - sounds of cell phone breaking up while being pounded into scrap] |
| Posted by:KBK |
| #16 I bet people with black Western Electric Model 500 rotary dial telephones have more firearms and better proficiency with them than the average American - better not make fun of them... |
| Posted by: Glenmore 2011-05-11 22:48 |
| #15 They can leave a message on my answering machine at home. Paging Ms. Skolaut to the black Western Electric Model 500 rotary dial telephone. 1950 is calling! /me ducks |
| Posted by: SteveS 2011-05-11 21:14 |
| #14 *beep-bip* "What is it?" "Oh, just another Gutsy Text from our Dear Leader." |
| Posted by: eLarson 2011-05-11 20:12 |
| #13 AFAIK, I can't even get text messages on my cell - nor do I want to. I keep my cell phone turned OFF unless I want to use it, then turn it back off when I'm finished. I've managed to survive for lo these many years without people calling me while I'm in the bathroom or driving down the road. They can leave a message on my answering machine at home. |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2011-05-11 19:36 |
| #12 ... OR ELSE! |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2011-05-11 18:49 |
| #11 THIS IS PRESIDENT OBAMA WITH A CRITICAL EMERGENCY MESSAGE - BE SURE TO VOTE DEMOCRAT. |
| Posted by: CincinnatusChili 2011-05-11 18:34 |
| #10 I'm forwarding all mine to the White House switchboard. |
| Posted by: mojo 2011-05-11 13:48 |
| #9 I have a really primitive cell phone & plan, pay all of $110 a year for it, but somehow the phone company neglected to charge me for text messages received, so I have signed up for receiving everything I can use one way or the other. Years ago I was hiking deep in a canyon out west & received a usable text message at a place where there was supposedly 'no service' for cell phones. One thing that would be useful but has strangely been neglected are weather radios / car radio connections. It is virtually impossible to buy a car radio with a built in emergency weather radio circuit. You can buy weather radios for home use, theoretically they can be triggered by things like tornado warnings, and can be adjusted to respond to various areas. You would have to buy a separate weather radio & leave it in your car to get this functionality on the road. I was listening to an all music channel on my XM radio at home the night of the OBL hit, and the music was interrupted several times by a notice that a 'significant news event' had occurred & I could turn to any of their news channels for further info. I appreciated that. You can always block calls by turning off your device, removing the battery, and wrapping it tightly in tin foil. Or wrap it in sheet metal and solder it in for maximum personal security. |
| Posted by: Anguper Hupomosing9418 2011-05-11 11:29 |
| #8 It sounds like my weather radio. I got the more expensive one, which can be programmed to ignore tsunamis, typhoons, and anything further than 100 miles away. I can't imagine the lives of those whose radios go off every time the National Weather Service warns they're watching for something somewhere. The thing with cell phones is, the area code of the phone number does not indicate location, so unless the warnings are going to be targetted by physical proximity to a given cell phone tower, the entire nation is going to be urgently interrupted because a 2-year old was taken by the non-custodial parent in Podunk, Montana. Not wise. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2011-05-11 11:26 |
| #7 It's my understanding that there is special circuitry that will be included to facilitate this function. I wonder what other uses might magically be found for this circuitry after it's all in place. |
| Posted by: gorb 2011-05-11 11:09 |
| #6 I have a primitive phone and plan, and have to pay for each text message (I understand these alerts would go out as texts - which is the only way they would be able to get through during a crisis, as I did during Katrina.) If they use them appropriately, I actually like the idea, but of course, I also realize they will not be able to resist the temptation to turn the system into an incumbent re-election campaign system. |
| Posted by: Glenmore 2011-05-11 08:59 |
| #5 I'm sure you'll be able to block those calls, if the individual so chooses. I mean, that's the American Way, isn't it? But it ain't the Chicago Way. Mike |
| Posted by: Mike Kozlowski 2011-05-11 07:57 |
| #4 I'm sure you'll be able to block those calls, if the individual so chooses. I mean, that's the American Way, isn't it? |
| Posted by: Bobby 2011-05-11 05:59 |
| #3 The phueching LAST thing I need is my cellie going off and that lazy bugger on the other end. The Presidential election of 2008 was all the "imminent threat warning" I needed. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2011-05-11 01:10 |
| #2 How long before this is used for everything besides an emergency. Much like the Amber Alerts - overuse will make them ineffective as people learn to ignore them. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2011-05-11 01:02 |
| #1 During a serious national emergency, the phones will all be jammed and you may lose power. What a crock of sh*t idea this is. Good for sheeple, though. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2011-05-11 00:55 |