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-Lurid Crime Tales-

Urban Farming Celebrity Fined For Growing Chard

2011-04-02

Here's the deal: After getting off the plane from Salt Lake City and making my way home to a cup of tea, I sit down at my kitchen table and I see this guy in a City of Oakland car taking photos of my garden. I go down and he said I'm out of compliance for "agricultural activities". I'm supposed to get a Conditional Use Permit for growing chard. The annual fee: $2500.

Last year, when I bought my lot, I went to the planning department to find out what I needed to get a business license and all that stuff. The very nice planning person told me that by the spring, the City of Oakland would be changing the laws about urban agriculture in the city, so I should just wait. Guess that hasn't happened.

The photo taking city guy said they are going to use me as an example, and that I'll get fined around $5000 for non-compliance. All of this was triggered by one person, who complained to the animal control, who then passed it on to the city, who is now making my life hell. I said to the guy--one person caused this, that's not fair. "Life's not fair," he replied.
Novella Carpenter - author of the book Farm City - is an old friend of mine and an all-around good egg whose whole thing in life is teaching urban people how to grow and raise their own food. She certainly deserves your attention and support. However, two things from the blog that should amuse my fellow Rantburgers:

1) The posters in the comments section keep talking about how Oakland isn't being very "progressive." I beg to differ: Oakland is being extremely progressive. Stomping out any activity that is not under centralized control, heavily taxed, and completely regulated is the entire point of American progressivism.

2) It appears she was turned in by rabbit rights activists. Also very progressive, non?

Posted by:Secret Master

#14 Really? Long Colt?

No, actually. That particular gun was chambered for .45 ACP.

Posted by: Secret Master 2011-04-02 23:50

#13 Why add the chard and ruin perfectly good bacon, chichen (sic) fat, and garlic ghee, SM?

Fiber, you silly round eye woman! ;-)

Posted by: Secret Asian Man 2011-04-02 21:45

#12 "You round eyes no know how to make Chard taste good. Lot's of crispy bacon, simmer chard in chicken stock heavy with chicken fat and top with a little garlic ghee."

Why add the chard and ruin perfectly good bacon, chichen fat, and garlic ghee, SM?

Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2011-04-02 19:24

#11 Ha! You round eyes no know how to make Chard taste good. Lot's of crispy bacon, simmer chard in chicken stock heavy with chicken fat and top with a little garlic ghee. Yum!

Posted by: Secret Asian Man 2011-04-02 19:11

#10 A friend told me of a get together with his parents, hosted by his grandparents. Along with dinner his grandmother served chard. Being just a kid at them time, he took a bite and loudly proclaimed that chard tasted awful

"But you should eat it!," said his grandmother. "Your father likes it." At which point his father said that he'd never liked it, and only eaten it to be polite.

"Well, your grandfather likes it!," she said.

"Now that you mention it, I think it tastes awful", said grandfather. "I've never cared for it."

"The only reason I served it was because I thought you two liked it!," grandmother proclaimed. "I always thought it tasted like ****!"

Which is why, my friend explained, you should never mix honesty with tradition.

Posted by: Anonymoose 2011-04-02 19:01

#9 And she's getting punished for it.

Yep. [funneling Otter from Animal House] She f******p, she trusted them. The key is to strike a balance between the low lifes and the nannyists. If you clear the environment of one predator its just as likely you just open up a niche to another.

Posted by: Procopius2k 2011-04-02 18:23

#8 I never used to go to her place without hiding a .45 revolver below my shirt:.../em>

Really? Long Colt?

Posted by: Secret Asian Man 2011-04-02 17:58

#7 Obviously the author doesn't live in the part of Oakland where the city workers are scarce because their life expectancy is minimal if found out in the wild without proper armed escort.

That's the funny thing: she did. I never used to go to her place without hiding a .45 revolver below my shirt: there were that many crackheads, hookers, and general lowlifes hanging around.

It was beyond urban blight. It was urban abyss.

BUT the land on her block was so cheap it was nearly free. So people like her and her husband, the NIMBI (Not In My Backyard) art collective, and even a group of Buddhist monks moved onto the block. They were, of course, in search of what Americans are almost always in search of: cheap land and the freedom to use it as they saw fit. And they did the thing that city governments in the Bay Area always want you to do: take a risk and turn the urban desert into a garden.

And she's getting punished for it.Of course.

Posted by: Secret Master 2011-04-02 14:21

#6 Oakland is just trying to stamp out the kulaks.

Posted by: CincinnatusChili 2011-04-02 12:37

#5 We need to get these progressive idiots out of our lives. They stifle creativity, individualism, and freedom. Come the food shortages, Novella will be sought out for her know-how!

Posted by: JohnQC 2011-04-02 10:41

#4 Obviously the author doesn't live in the part of Oakland where the city workers are scarce because their life expectancy is minimal if found out in the wild without proper armed escort. That's the part of town where the city workers are 'made an example of' who cop an attitude.

Posted by: Procopius2k 2011-04-02 10:04

#3 So if one had an apple tree that had been there for 50 yrs the turds would cut it down? Nah, they would have (1) fined you for not paying your fee and/or (2) added the fee/fine to your property tax and/or put a lien on your property until you paid them off.

Posted by: Anguper Hupomosing9418 2011-04-02 02:11

#2 Can't make the argument that Chard is ornamental and not for eating?
For a 5K fine I sure would.
and what is this $2,500 fee all about?

Curious... So if one had an apple tree that had been there for 50 yrs the turds would cut it down?

Posted by: Water Modem 2011-04-02 01:28

#1 Shoulda gone with the politically correct arugula.

Posted by: Zebulon Thranter9685 2011-04-02 00:57

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