Durable peace can return to Swat only if the Taliban lay down their weapons, Inter-Services Public Relations (ISPR) Director General (DG) Major General Athar Abbas said on Saturday. "The ball is now in the Taliban's court," he said.
"Burble burble rhubarb..."
Buner: The DG said the army would not allow the Taliban to take over the Buner district, adding that the military was exercising maximum restraint.
I think they're paralyzed with fear. They believe all those blood-curdling threats coming from the turbans. Note that the Afghan army is perfectly capable of handling Talibs in ground operations.
Talking to a private TV channel, Abbas said the army was closely monitoring the security situation in Malakand division.
"Oh, yasss. We're right on top of it!"
He said the military was fully supporting the government's reconciliatory efforts, adding that the Taliban had so far not honoured their commitments.
Nor will they.
He said Tehreek-e-Nifaz-e-Shariat-e-Muhammadi chief Sufi Muhammad should fulfil the promises he had made to the government.
But he won't.
Initiative: He said the troops' morale was high, adding that the military had the will to undertake an operation against the Taliban but "the decision to launch any fresh offensive rests with the political leadership".
They're paralyzed with fear, too. Toilet paper consumption is through the roof.
Talking to another news channel, the military spokesman called the speculations of the Taliban taking over Islamabad baseless.
"I mean, look around! How many Talibs do you see in Islamabad?"
He said the Pakistan Army was ready to defend the country against any threat.
"We've never won a war to date, but you betcha we're a force to be reckoned with!"
He said 1,500 soldiers had laid down their lives and around 300 were wounded in the ongoing war on terror.
The Paks keep bragging that up as a demonstration of their commitment. Casualties on the other side of the border are much lighter, which would seem to imply the Paks aren't very good at what they purport to be doing.
"If the capacity building of the armed forces is increased consequently, they will have more influence on these areas," the ISPR DG maintained.
"Burble burble rhubarb."
To another question, he stressed upon the need of effective intelligence and information sharing between Pakistan and Afghanistan to tackle terrorism and stop the infiltration of militants.
But that won't happen because nobody trusts the Paks -- in fact we're assuming that intel passed to them will be analyzed to see where it's coming from so the holes can be closed.
To a question about the Swat peace deal, Abbas said the government and military were committed to maintaining peace in Swat and Malakand Division.
And I'm committed to my program of diet and exercise.