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| Worst Inaugural Poetry Ever |
| 2009-01-21 |
| The following is a transcript of the inaugural poem recited by Elizabeth Alexander, as provided by CQ transcriptions. Praise song for the day. and thank heaven we don't have to hear this junk very often Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. But noise is preferable to bad poetry All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Eeeuu. This is even more disgusting than tongue piercing Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair. and those things cause noise??? Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice. Sure. I see people banging cellos on oil drums all the time A woman and her son wait for the bus. A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin." as 5th graders get failed for writing compositions with no coherent theme and then say its poetry because two verses have a similar metre We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider. Words used in sentences that don't relate to each other We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road." and why did the poet cross the road; well it wasn't done to inspire anyone with real poetry We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see. Of course some people open their eyes when they walk but that's just crazy talk to some other people Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of. Most glittering edifices use glass and steel; also construction workers don't generally turn into maintenance crews Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables. and here's hoping poets with talent haven't thrown up in this kitchen by now or committed suicide with the silverware Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self." Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need. how come the first cliche was in quotes and the next two weren't??? What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance. Ready to pay royalties to Burt Bacharach In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun. Of course it would be nice to also finish sentences On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light. What light? You were talking about noise, then words, then crossing the road, then love. Which verse is about light? |
| Posted by:mhw |
| #24 Burmashave! |
| Posted by: Adriane 2009-01-21 23:36 |
| #23 There was not one phrase worth repeating, not one image worth remembering, no rhyme or rhythm to carry the listener/reader from beginning to end. Although it is rather insulting to assume either that all African-Americans were unlettered labourers, if it was about African-Americans, or that only labourers are Americans, while the wealthy and the businessmen are defined by the poet as the nonexistent Other. actually, the oral delivery made it even worse, if that is imaginable |
| Posted by: Frank G 2009-01-21 22:28 |
| #22 Roses were red Violets were blue Once we had money Now hopechangeythingy |
| Posted by: Skunky Glins 5*** 2009-01-21 22:26 |
| #21 Obonics, heh. But I must say that he is an excellent speaker in that he enunciates very well. I hope his example leads more blacks to abandon their from the 'hood, black, redneck accent. |
| Posted by: Nimble Spemble 2009-01-21 22:10 |
| #20 That was painful. Were it not for the in-line commentary, I could not have gotten to the bottom. There was not one phrase worth repeating, not one image worth remembering, no rhyme or rhythm to carry the listener/reader from beginning to end. Although it is rather insulting to assume either that all African-Americans were unlettered labourers, if it was about African-Americans, or that only labourers are Americans, while the wealthy and the businessmen are defined by the poet as the nonexistent Other. Mitch, I always assumed poetry slams were like those horrid Beat things I saw in the movies, all heartfelt pseudo-intellectual posing... like most of the stuff published in my high school literary magazine. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2009-01-21 19:25 |
| #19 I guess Amiri Baraka wasn't available for a stirring rendition of his epic "Somebody Blew Up America"? |
| Posted by: tu3031 2009-01-21 14:04 |
| #18 Obonics NS, it's Obonics. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2009-01-21 13:55 |
| #17 Putty. Putty. Putty. Green Putty - Grutty Peen. Grarmpitutty - Morning! Pridsummer - Grorning Utty! Discovery..... Oh. Putty?..... Armpit? Armpit..... Putty. Not even a particularly Nice shade of green. |
| Posted by: Bright Pebbles the flatulent 2009-01-21 13:45 |
| #16 Say it plain A friggin illiterate. You don't modify a verb with an adjective. Say it plainly That was like fingernails on a chalk board. Yale professor? Spit. |
| Posted by: Nimble Spemble 2009-01-21 13:41 |
| #15 This one's for you, tu3031, Fred, and WTF. ;) |
| Posted by: Cornsilk Blondie 2009-01-21 13:19 |
| #14 Roses are Red Violets are Blue Your brand new government will dispense more poo. |
| Posted by: DarthVader 2009-01-21 13:09 |
| #13 Actually, I was thinking that someone like Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers should have come back from the dead and read Dr. Seuss' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!": Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go. (later toward the climax) All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. But on you will go through the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. (then a cymbal clashed finale) And will you succeed! Yes! You will indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) So.... Be your name Buxbaum, or Bixby or Bray Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting So....get on your way! I just think its more appropriate:) |
| Posted by: Jack is Back! 2009-01-21 12:39 |
| #12 In his winda Break his neck Then his house I start to wreck Why I do it? What the heck! One of the funniest things I hyave ever seen on television. |
| Posted by: tu3031 2009-01-21 10:26 |
| #11 No Maya Angelou? I'll bet Oprah was really pissed... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2009-01-21 10:24 |
| #10 OTOH, Lowery was the highlight of the entire Inaugural. "Yellow be Mellow?" LOL |
| Posted by: William Marcy Tweed 2009-01-21 09:48 |
| #9 C-I-L-L. Kill my landlord. |
| Posted by: Fred 2009-01-21 09:29 |
| #8 Crap like that is why I stopped hanging out at poetry slams. Well, that & the paranoid whining about homophobes trying to run down squirrelly little queers with their Hummers. All that's missing is the fascination with orifices, nattering on about their privates, and bad basement-bar lighting. Which makes slams sound much more interesting than they really are, but you get the idea. |
| Posted by: Mitch H. 2009-01-21 09:26 |
| #7 Nothing about menstruation?! Boo, hiss, etc. |
| Posted by: Angailing Black5905 2009-01-21 09:04 |
| #6 LOL yeah it was weak |
| Posted by: Grolush Darling of the Hatfields3195 2009-01-21 08:38 |
| #5 Doggie barking in de night.... Do he bite? Do he bite? Kill my landlord! - Tyrone Green (Eddy Murphy) |
| Posted by: WTF 2009-01-21 08:05 |
| #4 Notes for 2013 inaugural: Ditch the poetry and music. Limit the pastors to one minute each. Give the Chief Justice a teleprompter. |
| Posted by: Darrell 2009-01-21 08:00 |
| #3 Roses are red Violets are flowers Obama's in charge now It's been almost twelve hours. |
| Posted by: Mike 2009-01-21 07:59 |
| #2 She had a heavy meal that's why her intestines couldn't jump up and strangle her. Could job she didn't find any green putty... |
| Posted by: Bright Pebbles HitchHiking around the Galaxy 2009-01-21 07:58 |
| #1 Only slightly more uplifting as The One's inaugural speech. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2009-01-21 07:28 |