The Pentagon on Monday denied reports that Pakistani troops fired on two US military helicopters after they crossed into Pakistan from Afghanistan and forced them to turn back. "They did? Lemme check into that!"
"I've checked into that and find it to be a spurious report," Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman told reporters. "Did not happen.
"Sometimes they say crap like that so the rubes at home will think they're heroic or something."
"I've checked all the places that would know about something like that and it doesn't appear to be accurate."
"In fact, it's a load of crap. They're still alive, aren't they?"
Earlier in the day, reports quoting Pakistani security officials said that firing by Pakistani troops forced US military helicopters to turn back to Afghanistan after they crossed into Pakistani territory in the early hours of Monday.
"Yeah, the Mighty Pak Army blew off a few rounds and the infidels flew away."
The incident took place near Angor Adda, a village in the tribal region of South Waziristan where US commandos in helicopters raided a suspected al-Qaida and Taliban camp earlier this month. "The US choppers came into Pakistan by just 100 to 150 metres at Angor Adda. Even then our troops did not spare them, opened fire on them and they turned away," said one security official.
"The Mighty Pak Army's got no mercy for infidels, believe you me!"
Pakistan is a crucial US ally in its war on terrorism,
... that's chock full of beturbanned nutbags waving guns and hollering...
and its support is key to the success of Western forces trying to stabilise Afghanistan.
... since there's no other way into Afghanistan without going through
But Washington has become impatient over Islamabad's response to the threat from al-Qaida and Taliban fighters in Pakistan's tribal regions on the border. At least 20 people, including women and children, were killed in the South Waziristan raid earlier this month, sparking outrage in Pakistan and prompting a diplomatic protest.
"Damn those infidels! They've killed Mahmoud!"
"Yeah. And Mom's dead, too."
Pakistani army chief General Ashfaq Kayani said in a strongly worded statement last week that Pakistan would not allow foreign troops onto its soil and Pakistan's sovereignty and territorial integrity would be defended at all costs.
"To include national annihilation!"
Another security official said on Monday that US armoured vehicles were also seen moving on the Afghan side of the border, while US warplanes were seen overhead. He said Pakistani soldiers sounded a bugle call and fired in the air, forcing the helicopters to return to Afghan territory.
"Hark, Murphy! A bugle call!"
"You heard that over the rotors?"
"No. It's on my ipod... Say! Are those guys down there on the Pak side of the border having gun sex?"
"Why, damn me! I believe they are! That's disgusting!"
"Don't look! It'll rot your mind!"
Military spokesman Major Murad Khan confirmed that there had been shooting.
"Yeah. A bunch of our guys shot off... Their guns, I mean."
But he said the American helicopters had not crossed into Pakistani airspace and Pakistani troops were not responsible for the firing.
"But it wudn't the Mighty Pak Army. They wudn't even there. They wuz... ummm... someplace else."
"The US choppers were there at the border, but they did not violate our airspace," Khan said. "We confirm that there was a firing incident at the time when the helicopters were there, but our forces were not involved."