The One: (Looking askance at Don Clinton, who has gone dreamy-eyed) Well, this one sure surprised me.
Don Clinton: (laughing and smoking) Son, when you’ve lived longer, you’ll know there’s a surprise in every one of ‘em. And a shiv. And no matter what, the shiv always comes.
The One: Well, sheÂ’s not going to shove one in meÂ…I will not be bullied and mistreated like this!
Don Clinton: Oh, get yourself a hankie, Candace, and stop bleedin’ all over my rug. The more you whine and cry the more that li’l Alaskan hootchi-goo is gonna laugh while she grinds the stiletto heel of those cute little size sevens straight through your pericardium and into your heart before you even know what’s happened!The One: (falls to the floor in contrite supplication) Help me, Godfather, help me! What do I do? How do I get this mean girl to stop beating me up, and reclaim my glamor, my “it” factor? My minions in the press have been going after her with everything they have, and they’re getting booed! Next “I” might get booed, oh, what do I do -
Don Clinton: (leaps from his chair and smacks The One twice on the face, smack! smack!) You can be man! Be a man!
The One: (pathetic) I donÂ’t know how. I justÂ…donÂ’t know how.
That's just a sample. Go read it all.