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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Lurid moonbat fantasy #46: "Apocalypse Red-States" |
| 2007-12-27 |
| Global Warming Will Save America from the Right... Eventually by Dave Lindorff Say what you will about the looming catastrophe facing the world as the pace of global heating and polar melting accelerates. There is a silver lining. Look at a map of the US. The area that will by completely inundated by the rising ocean—and not in a century but in the lifetime of my two cats—are the American southeast, including the most populated area of Texas, almost all of Florida, most of Louisiana, and half of Alabama and Mississippi, as well as goodly portions of eastern Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. While the northeast will also see some coastal flooding, its geography is such that that aside from a few projecting sandbars like Long Island and Cape Cod, the land rises fairly quickly to well above sea level. Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes. The West Coast too tends to rise rapidly to well above sea level in most places. Only down in Southern California towards the San Diego area is the ground closer to sea level. So what we see is that huge swaths of conservative America are set to face a biblical deluge in a few more presidential cycles. Then there’s the matter of the Midwest, which climate experts say is likely to face a permanent condition of unprecedented drought, making the place largely unlivable, and certainly unfarmable. The agribusinesses and conservative farmers that have been growing corn and wheat may be able to stretch out this doomsday scenario by deep well drilling, but west of the Mississippi, the vast Ogallala Aquifer that has allowed for such irrigation is already being tapped out. It will not be replaced. So again, we will see the decline and depopulation of the nation’s vast midsection—noted for its consistent conservatism. Only in the northernmost area, around the Great Lakes (which will be not so great anymore), and along the Canadian border, will there still be enough rain for farming and continued large population concentrations, but those regions, like Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois, are also more liberal in their politics. . . . So the future political map of America is likely to look as different as the much shrunken geographical map, with much of the so-called “red” state region either gone or depopulated. There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact. Now we see the famed "compassion" of the "progressive" Left: The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city. They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes. . . . He forgets, of course, that the migrating hordes of red-staters will include a high proportion of people with deer rifles and 12-gauge pump-action cylinder-bore shotguns who know how to use them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! About the author: Philadelphia journalist Dave Lindorff is a 34-year veteran, an award-winning journalist, a former New York Times contributor, a graduate of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, a two-time Journalism Fulbright Scholar, and the co-author, with Barbara Olshansky, of a well-regarded book on impeachment, The Case for Impeachment. His work is available at www.thiscantbehappening.net. He's also nutty as a fruitcake, and no fun at parties. |
| Posted by:Mike |
| #14 FREEREPUBLIC Poster said it best [paraph] > "WHY WOULD RUSSIA [PUTIN] NEED TO ATTACK A SOCIALIST AMERICA"? |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2007-12-27 23:47 |
| #13 TW, the only dykes the lefties would have are these that they already do have. I mean, imagine them digging and building the enclosures. I can't. |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2007-12-27 23:23 |
| #12 #11: "libs will freeze in the dark" Awwwww - my heard bleeeeeeds for them, Frank. No, wait - that's just the chili.... |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-12-27 23:16 |
| #11 exactly, TW - (nearly) all heating and electrical services are at or below ground level for a) service accessibility, b) meter reading, c) fuel deliveries, d) heat rises... libs will freeze in the dark |
| Posted by: Frank G 2007-12-27 23:11 |
| #10 Barbara is certainly efficient. That's why we stay on her good side and don't startle her. ;-) A question occurs to me, Frank, and I hope you see this before we roll over into tomorrow. I'm under the impression, based on how my own house is arranged, and what I've seen on television and in the movies, that the electrical systems of apartment buildings and sky scrapers are in the various basements and sub-basements. It also seems to me that should the oceans rise, the water table on the land side would rise at least somewhat as well, regardless of dikes keeping the sea from flowing through the streets. If so, mightn't the basements and sub-basements flood, seriously messing up the buildings' electrical systems... which would affect the viability of lighting, refrigerators, elevators... If yes, Mr. Lindorff and his friends might have more than mere starvation to worry about in this brave new world he anticipates with such relish. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2007-12-27 22:59 |
| #9 Barb, scrawny... you mean that... they won't? And save the planet? ;-) |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2007-12-27 22:29 |
| #8 #4 Mike - just a short & sweet, cut-to-the-chase version of TW's elegant prose. ;-p #6 2x4: "if worst comes to worst, there is enough people" Nahhh, Yankee Lefties are too scrawny. |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-12-27 22:23 |
| #7 then we'll take what we want. Happy? |
| Posted by: Frank G 2007-12-27 22:21 |
| #6 Paraphrasing Lindorff: "Who needs farmers? There is enough to eat in blue cities, you just go to the grocery store!" ...and if worst comes to worst, there is enough people... |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2007-12-27 21:44 |
| #5 So...how many people is this guy willing to see die for the creation of his little utopian Lefty America? And I'll bet he thinks Bush is Hitler too, right? And he won't be one of the dead... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2007-12-27 21:31 |
| #4 Barb, your remark remind me of some of the "made men" I used to know when growing up in Youngstown. (Note to self: do not get on Barb's bad side.) TW, I loved your last sentence: Clearly the gentleman was trained to write elegant prose, but somehow he managed to avoid learning to think clearly. |
| Posted by: Mike 2007-12-27 20:40 |
| #3 How many of Mr. Lindorff's circle know how -- and where -- to build effective dikes? And what are they going to produce that the few remaining farmers will be willing to take in trade when there won't be nearly enough to feed the dense population of the Boston-to-Washington, DC corridor? It's awfully hard to maintain a decent Victory Garden on an apartment balcony... or to persuade the peasants to supply your dinner parties after they notice they've been gerrymandered into political impotence. Clearly the gentleman was trained to write elegant prose, but somehow he managed to avoid learning to think clearly. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2007-12-27 19:33 |
| #2 "Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes." Nice little dike ya' got there, Yankee. Shame if |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-12-27 19:07 |
| #1 Philadelphia journalist Dave Lindorff is a 34-year veteran, an award-winning journalist, a former New York Times contributor, a graduate of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, Quelle surprise |
| Posted by: charger 2007-12-27 18:46 |