 BRITISH troops stormed into Musa Qala yesterday as Taleban fighters fled their fortress town.
| What was that guy saying about all of Afghanistan being Musa Qala? |
Soldiers from the 2nd Yorkshire Regiment, the Green Howards, pushed into the city with the Afghan army, as president Hamid Karzai revealed many local insurgents had swapped sides ahead of the overwhelming British assault.
| "Cheeze, Mahmoud! There sure are a lot of infidels out there!... Ummm... Mahmoud? Is that the Union Jack you're holding?" |
He said: "The Afghan Taleban, they met with me. They said that they wanted to swap sides, and that is what has happened."
"We quit."
"Okay."
"Can we keep our guns?"
"Okay." |
Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister, has pledged more reconstruction aid for the country so that locals are not tempted to go back to the Taleban.
| He asked the British taxpayers first, of course, and they all thought it was a fine idea. |
British troops breached the Taleban stronghold after five days of intense artillery bombardment, backed up by fighter jets and helicopter airstrikes, and destroyed dozens of key insurgent positions. But they stopped short of the town centre, afraid the place is rigged with mines, bombs and booby traps, which have already claimed three soldiers' lives.
| No problem. Just send your new allies in to clean them out. |
Mr Karzai claimed Afghan fighters begged him to be allowed to defect after witnessing atrocities against innocent civilians in the town.
| Having your Mehsud allies roast a few locals will sometimes do that. |
Mullah Abdul Salaam, a former Taleban commander who controls thousands of men around Musa Qala, was reported to be in secret talks with the Afghan government to swap sides and fight with the British.
| He's a Pashtun, of course. |
But news of his alleged negotiations leaked, provoking a rift in Taleban ranks.
| Seems he's an Afghan Pashtun, not a Pak Pashtun. |
Al-Qaeda and other foreign fighters flocked to Musa Qala after it fell to the Taleban ten months ago, when a controversial British deal to hand it over to tribal elders backfired.
| "Yay! Hurrah! The Arabs and Other Foreign Fighters are here to defeat the hated British!" |
Speaking at a press conference with Mr Brown yesterday, the president said a local resident he met almost three months ago appealed to him to liberate the town, which prompted him to ask the British to launch a joint offensive with Afghan forces. More than 2,000 British troops, including Scots Guards, Household Cavalry and Royal Marines from 40 Commando, have been involved in the operation.
| And all because the old guy with the turban said "please." |
British troops set up a cordon around the town while crack American paratroopers from the so-called Taskforce Fury smashed a route through Taleban trenches, and "dug-in" with defensive positions. Last night the Taleban admitted they had abandoned Musa Qala in the face of almost certain defeat.
"Ummm... Those ain't crack American paratroopers from the so-called Taskforce Fury, are they?"
"I think they might be... Hey! Where'd the Arabs and Other Foreign Fighters go?" |
But the British denied reports the town had fallen completely. British troops on the outskirts of the town were last night "consolidating their positions".
| "We can wait. That's like walking into an explosive. Our new allies are gonna clean it out." |
At least two British soldiers have died in the operation. Trooper Jack Sadler, 21, from the brigade reconnaissance force, was killed by a roadside bomb in the area on 5 December and Sergeant Lee Johnson, 33, was killed by a mine on Saturday. A third soldier, whose nationality has not been released, was killed by a mine on Sunday. Dozens of Taleban were killed during the operation, and at least two children died in crossfire. Ahmad Wali, a Taleban fighter from Musa Qala, insisted morale remained high. He said: "I left with some fighters for a break. We are happy to go back and fight, but we will listen to our commanders."
| "They say head for Quetta." |
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