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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Crow barred by fed up landlady
2007-07-29
A CROW hooked on lager sticks his beak in his favourite tipple — defying a furious landlady who has BARRED him from her pub. The boozy bird — nicknamed Carling by drinkers — swoops on customers’ pints whenever they turn their backs.

Sarah Wyatt, manager of the David Protheroe pub in Neath, South Wales, moaned yesterday: “At first everyone thought it was funny. Then a bird expert pointed out he’s a carrion crow which feeds off dead animals. We’ve told all our customers he is banned. If they see him they should chase him off.”

Regular Steve Morgan, 31, said: “If you nip to the loo you come back and find him supping your beer. I’m glad he’s been banned. You never know where his beak’s been.”
Posted by:Fred

#6  Cheap revolver. 22 caliber. You can get them with 9 round cylinders. Load with bird shot crimped rounds. Its in Britain? Its practically certain the bird knows absolutely nuthin' about hand guns.

Put the large glass of Lager out. Let the bird have a free run and get to know you. Put another one out the same place the next day at the same time. Let the bird get to know you better.

If the bird is as close as this customer in the photo is...cock the pistols under a towel and just hold it in your lap. dont make a sudden move, just swing the pistol up gently. Shoot the bird about three times, squeeze the trigger three rounds in two seconds.. just click pop click pop click PoP.

The birdshot rounds are very quiet and the shot is not something that will carry very far so you wont be putting any rounds into the furniture or the walls. Warn everybody ahead of time. That's why you pick the time and the place so the bird has a clear go and you have a clear kill zone.

There will be a bit of a mess, have the cleaning materials ready and somplace to wash up. Dispose of the bird in the trash.If the customers want to watch ...make them pay. If anybody warns the bird...tell the paying-to-watch customers ( there is always some cute guy ) that you have a gun and you dont like people who waste your time being cute.

Squeamish? Some people are, I am not. You dont have to watch.

Turns out the bird didnt know you as well as he thought he did.
Posted by: Angleton 9   2007-07-29 21:24  

#5  I have a strict rule against anybody putting their pecker in my beer. Just makes sense
Posted by: Frank G   2007-07-29 13:26  

#4  Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!

Sorry, someone had to post it. :)
Posted by: Procopius2k   2007-07-29 09:13  

#3  "Moaning" here as well.... *#&#@&^@^!
Posted by: Besoeker   2007-07-29 04:33  

#2  Crow barred by fed up landlady

No comment from Jim.
Posted by: Zenster   2007-07-29 02:11  

#1  All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2007-07-29 00:29  

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