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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| When puns are outlawed, only outlaws will write puns |
| 2007-06-16 |
| I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? HeÂ’s all right now. The roundest knight at King ArthurÂ’s round table was Sir Cumference. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his Work. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. WeÂ’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. Fight the forces of pun control. Add your own in the combox. |
| Posted by:Mike |
| #16 keep it up....soon enuf, you'll sink to my level |
| Posted by: Frank G 2007-06-16 23:03 |
| #15 After scrimping and saving for their entire lives, an elderly Navajo couple managed to send their son to university so he could study electrical engineering. After he graduated, he returned home to the Indian community so he could thank his mother and father for all of the sacrifices they had made on his behalf. Surveying his parents' humble abode, he decided it was high time to do away with kerosene lamps and finally have electric lighting in the bathroom. He even went one better and installed a wall socket near the sink for good measure. He eventually became famous as the first man ever to wire a head for a reservation. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 22:41 |
| #14 I think #11 Zen wins this one. That was painful. :-D |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-06-16 22:35 |
| #13 Then there's the child molesting judge who tried one juvenile too many. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 22:32 |
| #12 Stop! Stop! Isn't this Pun-ishment enough? |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2007-06-16 22:26 |
| #11 Milt Famie, a beer addict, was pitching for the home team. The score was tied, they already had gotten two batters out and it was bottom of the ninth. The bases were loaded with the opposition's cleanup batter up at the plate. Unable to bear the tension, Milt ran to the dugout and quaffed down a brew. Returning to the mound, he promptly threw a low and outside pitch for ball one. Unnerved, he returned to the dugout and chugged another beer. Back on the mound, his next pitch was high and inside. The umpire called ball two. Scampering over to the dug out, he slammed yet another brew and returned only to lob in a low slider for ball three. Unable to stop trembling Milt Famie dashed to the dugout, gulped down another bottle and dropping it near the baseline as he took the mound a final time. His last pitch was no good, a fourth ball. This walked in the runner on third, pushed up the score and the game was lost for good. A relief pitcher struck out the next player and as the batter retired from home plate he wandered over to the first base line, picked up the errant beer bottle and said: "This is the beer that made Milt Famie walk us." |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 22:20 |
| #10 A professor engaged in studying the longevity of carp fish was leaning over the open aquarium tank when his wallet accidentally dropped into the water. Much to his astonishment, the fish began bouncing it back and forth between them. If was the first case of carp-to-carp walleting. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 22:01 |
| #9 Didja hear about the cow who drank a bottle of ink? Mood indigo. |
| Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-06-16 21:20 |
| #8 The Italian man took his torn pants into the Greek tailor. The tailor asked, "Euripides?" The Italian man answered, "Yeah, eumenides?" |
| Posted by: xbalanke 2007-06-16 17:32 |
| #7 "I tell by looking at her she was the type of woman who stole men's hearts and wrecked'em" |
| Posted by: whitecollar redneck 2007-06-16 16:03 |
| #6 Now that the same Country & Western singer is out of rehab for being hooked on painkillers, they're going to make a movie about it. It's called, "Dolly of the Valiums". They're going to make a television show about an Alaskan sled dog and a potato. It's called "Husky and Starch". The same program directors are also considering a combination of "Roots" and "Shogun". The working title is "Sho'nuff". Did you hear about the kid who brought a vacuum cleaner to the dairy farm? It was udder madness. Anyone heard of the new "Los Angeles Rules" for five card stud? Four clubs beat a King. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 15:09 |
| #5 "Not Punny" |
| Posted by: Redneck Jim 2007-06-16 13:05 |
| #4 I laughed so hard at these my wife asked me if I found it hard to read the screen through the coffee. I told her, "No. it's snot!" |
| Posted by: Almost Anonymous5839 2007-06-16 12:55 |
| #3 Then there's that Country & Western singer who moved to Central America to paint surreal art. You know, El Salvador Dali Parton. She was only the refrigerator repairman's daughter but Kelvinator. |
| Posted by: Zenster 2007-06-16 09:28 |
| #2 *groan* |
| Posted by: Frank G 2007-06-16 09:12 |
| #1 Throw a grenade into a French kitchen and you get Linoleum Blownapart. |
| Posted by: Deacon Blues 2007-06-16 08:36 |