 Aftenposten's food writer Yngve Ekern has been charged with animal cruelty by animal rights group NOAH after an article about cooking crabs. The case against Ekern has been dismissed and instead referred to the Conciliation Board, reports trade newspaper Journalisten on its web site, but there will be repercussions.
| 'Conciliation' between a food critic and animal rights terrorists? That should be entertaining. |
Ekern angered animal activists with his description of preparing crabs on the beach while his children were watching. He described throwing the crabs into hot oil after bashing them on a cutting board, a process that didn't kill all of them.
| Anesthetic ruins the taste, too. |
The article also outlined how to boil crabs, and included recipes. "Showing how to boil living crabs is encouraging law-breaking. Crabs are also covered by the Animal Protection Act, and animals shall not be exposed to pain," NOAH leader Siri Martinsen told Journalisten.no.
Crabs are haram, too, so get with the program, infidel food writer.
"It is highly probable that crabs have the ability to feel pain. We know too little about it and the animals should get the benefit of the doubt," she said.
| Whatever he says the doubt is. Wouldn't do to have someone else figure out the benefit of the doubt. |
| Onions have feelings, too. |
Ekern was saddened by the charges and will meet NOAH at the Conciliation Board on Monday. "I think on should turn up and hear what NOAH has to say, and I am especially looking forward to hearing an alternative method of boiling succulent crabs, because they are traditionally boiled alive," Ekern said.
| They start to spoil as soon as they've croaked. But Mr. NOAH's prob'ly never boiled a crab. He's probably been too busy abusing onions and making them cry. |
Senior researcher Stein Martinsen at the Institute of Marine Research does not have good news for NOAH. "It is difficult to kill shellfish in other ways than boiling.
| If you shoot them, they splatter all over the place. And crabs got no necks, so you can't hang 'em. |
"I know some who hack lobsters in two, but they have a tiny brain that is not so easy to hit," Martinsen said. Personally, he lets the crabs get very cold before boiling them. "They get practically anesthetized lying in the refrigerator. If you then make sure that the water is boiling, it goes quickly," Martinsen said.
| If you don't chill them, the little bougers will crawl out of the basket and romp all over your kitchen floor, terrifying the children and the cat. Trust me on this. |
Norway's Food Safety Authority will establish a committee to examine the question of what crabs can feel during the boiling.
They'll be looking for several volunteers with tiny brains.
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