Comments

You have commented 339 times on Rantburg.

Your Name

Your e-mail (optional)

Website (optional)

	My Original Nic Pic-a-Nic Sorry. Comments have been closed on this article.
Foto

Submit your comments on this article

-Short Attention Span Theater-

A Real Stiff Drink

2007-06-06

Boost, huh? Call my broker...
June 6, 2007 -- A Harlem man has filed suit against the makers of the nutritional drink Boost, charging that the protein shake gave him the wrong kind of lift. Christopher Woods said that drinking cans of Boost Plus Nutritional Energy Drink left him with an erection that wouldn't go away.
Woods gets wood. Film at eleven...

Any word on where you can buy that stuff?

According to papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Woods was "caused to suffer and sustain severe bodily injuries" from "the erection that would not subside. It gave me a lot of energy - too much energy," Woods, 29, told The Post yesterday.
Hi, I'm Chris the Human Tripod...

"In the event of an erection lasting more than four hours seek immediate professional help."

"It was unbearable and embarrassing."
...and not only that, but my phone's ringing off the hook.
He said he had to undergo two medical procedures for relief from the days-long erection, and as a result, he's now partially impotent.
"Partially" impotent? Like, what, not enough air in the tire? Or is this the male version of "I got a headache"?
"It's affecting my life because I'm not getting the pleasure I used to," Woods said.
But I am getting more of it...
The suit, which seeks unspecified monetary damages for Woods' "pain, shock and mental anguish," names the drink's former manufacturer, Mead Johnson, and its current one, Novartis. Mead Johnson said it no longer has anything to do with the drink, and reps for Novartis did not return calls for comment.
Nope. Won't touch this one with a ten foot pole.
Wait. Let me rephrase that...
The Woods vs. Johnson case dates to June 2004, which is when he said his mother bought him a case of the protein drink in hopes he would bulk up.
Well, he did. Kinda...

"Wanna see my muscle?"

"It was supposed to be a health supplement," he said. The suit says he used the "product in accordance with its intended use" - and soon had a very visible side effect.
Woah, buddy, you having a circus under that?
He said the erection lasted for over three days, and his girlfriend "was in disbelief. She couldn't understand what was happening."
But she wasn't too pissed off, I'll tell ya that...

Except for the blisters, of course...

"It was awful. It was painful. I would always wear jeans, but it was hard to go out, so I had to buy some sweatpants," Woods said.
Shit, why would you leave the house?

To buy more?

He said his 7-year-old son asked him what was going on and "I didn't know what to tell him."
He should've said, "Daddy's gonna be famous"...
He saw a doctor and underwent a "winter shunt" - a painful procedure where a needle is used to drain blood. The suit says he experienced "persistent problems requiring a follow-up hospital visit" a week later.
I wonder what a "summer shunt" does? Pumps it back in?
Woods said he was given two choices - undergo either an embolization, where blood is blocked from going to the arteries, or an amputation.
Oooooh, there's a tough choice...
He chose the former, but it has made it difficult for him to get a full erection and left him in "a state of discomfort." Woods said the experience has affected his love life because it's made him very self-conscious.
If it was me, I'd put up billboards...

Posted by:tu3031

#1 tu is that Fred and youse both? .. HILarious stuff!

Posted by: RD 2007-06-07 00:00

00:00