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-Short Attention Span Theater-

Britney: 'I'm The Antichrist'

2007-03-06

Friends of Britney Spears have revealed the singer scrawled the devil's digits, 666, over her bald head and screamed "I'm the Antichrist" in rehab last weekend.
That girl takes herself entirely too seriously...
One pal told the News Of The World, "The clinic people just didn't know what to do.
They knew they weren't supposed to laugh. They're paid not to laugh. But they really couldn't keep a straight face...
"Then she started screaming, 'I'm a fake! I'm a fake!'"
We knew that.
The friend added, "Later that night she tried to kill herself. She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck.
"Jump! Jump!" yelled the staff...
"Paramedics were called but luckily she was unhurt."
"Can you guys show her how to tie a decent knot?"
Fortunately, friends say Britney's apparent suicide attempt was ~~another fake~~ a cry for help rather than a serious bid to end it all.
We guessed that, too...
And now they say the 'Toxic' tunestress has had a complete turnaround - she wants to get back with her ex K-Fed, who's lately been described as her "rock", and have another nipper. A source said, "She has been talking to Kevin every night for hours on the phone (from rehab) telling him she still loves him.
"Oh, baby, I lubbbb you!"
"She just wants to be with him again and thinks having another baby will seal their marriage."
Yeah, sure. That always works.

Posted by:Fred

#17 Look on the bright side, if she IS the AntiChrist, then the world is in no danger.

Posted by: DMFD 2007-03-06 22:46

#16 Dang, #5 'moose!

She does have the ears for it, doesn't she?

Eeewwwww.

Posted by: Barbara Skolaut 2007-03-06 16:24

#15 tu3031....Bipolar, hmmm, is that when the Polar bears eat the Penquins?

Posted by: AlanC 2007-03-06 15:04

#14 Throw some bipolar in that mix too...

Posted by: tu3031 2007-03-06 14:35

#13 Of Course, "FInding Jesus" is next on the "Whacked Ex-Stars" Checklist. Then do dope (in God's Name)and begin the next go-round.

Posted by: Redneck Jim 2007-03-06 14:15

#12 Now she's going to find Jesus. Watch it happen.

Posted by: Secret Master 2007-03-06 13:14

#11 I for one was hoping she would find a nice happy life by opting out of the entertainment field. I even hoped her marriage with Kev would work out.

Of course I was also hoping that JLo would find a way to opt out of entertainment and be happy also.

Somehow I don't have the same feelings for Paris Hilton.

Posted by: mhw 2007-03-06 12:21

#10 I agree with the last two comments. This provides the sympathy so people will root for her success instead of wishing ill upon her as basically everyone was prior to her latest problems.

It also removes any chance she'll get custody of the kid which makes the comeback tour easier and provides a lot more sympathy.

Posted by: rjschwarz 2007-03-06 11:09

#9 Just got to get the "ticket punched" at rehab before the comeback tour.

Posted by: JohnQC 2007-03-06 10:57

#8 This sets up the triumphant (and lucrative) comeback tour, book deal, movie deal, etc...

Posted by: tu3031 2007-03-06 10:51

#7 I'm convinced although she is kind of a light weight antichrist in my humble opinion.

Posted by: JohnQC 2007-03-06 10:44

#6 Beautiful "Moose", Batboy and Bats Girl.

Posted by: Redneck Jim 2007-03-06 10:41

Posted by: Anonymoose 2007-03-06 08:28

#4 . . . he singer scrawled the devil's digits, 666, over her bald head and screamed "I'm the Antichrist" . . . Then she started screaming, "I'm a fake! I'm a fake!"

In other news today, the John Edwards presidential campaign announced that it has hired Britney Spears as its new blogger for religious outreach. A campaign spokesman said, "Britney's free and easy sexuality, her emphatic rejection of so-called 'traditional values,' and her authenticity, make her an ideal representative of the modern Democratic party and a unique threat to the Jew-loving neonazi Christofascist wingnuts who are America's greatest enemies. Besides, she looked hot in that school uniform back when she still had hair."

Posted by: Mike 2007-03-06 06:12

#3 One pal told the News Of The World, "The clinic people just didn't know what to do."

I doubt that - Thorazine? Electroconvulsive Therapy? Lobotomy?

Posted by: Howard UK 2007-03-06 03:45

#2 Add 1 part 95 IQ...1 part anal retentive control freak mother...and $100 million = Britney

Posted by: anymouse 2007-03-06 01:29

#1 Ahhhhh, so its about LOVE as far she's concerned -"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IS ALL YA NEED".

Posted by: JosephMendiola 2007-03-06 00:08

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