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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| 'Gandalf, Arsenal, it's dinnertime' |
| 2006-11-18 |
| AS if Fifi Trixiebelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie were not enough of a cross to bear, Britain now numbers among its youth six Gandalfs, two Supermen and 36 Arsenals of both sexes. Children, it appears, are in growing danger from their parents of name abuse. Among the worst reported cases are Dre, Tupac, Jay-Z and Snoop. These unfortunates, when they grow up, may well wonder why they were named after a variety of transient rap stars. A survey of British birth certificates over the past 22 years by www.findmypast.com, a family history website, indicates that the practice of naming children after pop, sports or film stars, or even fictional characters, is alive and well. It is merely an updating of all those women who, having wept over Gone with the Wind in 1939, christened their sons Ashley and their daughters Scarlett. Some names are more acceptable - and more common - than others. Since 1984, a total of 7261 Kylies have been born in Britain, a tribute to the enduring appeal of Minogue and one in the eye for her rival, Madonna, of whom there are only 288. In the past five years, the rise of the actor Keira Knightley has prompted 6074 sets of parents to borrow her name for their offspring, while Britney Spears holds up well, giving her name to 1611 little girls. |
| Posted by:Fred |
| #26 Hey Arsenal, you can shove your England up your arse! |
| Posted by: MU 2006-11-18 20:59 |
| #25 I love Henry Cho's story about his Friend, JB, when JB filled out his drivers license app, put down his name as "J (only) B (only)". Drivers license came back as "Jonly Bonly". |
| Posted by: Almost Anonymous5839 2006-11-18 20:41 |
| #24 Serious story on this one. Buddy of mine worked at our local music store. Kid and mom came in to rent a tuba or something (for marching band) and mom told him the kid's name was (pronunciation-wise) "Paaa-Juh-Mus". When she spelled it out on the application to rent the tuba, it was Pajamas. |
| Posted by: BA 2006-11-18 20:11 |
| #23 I have a moonbat friend who named his son Chalico. Years later he got a dog, named it Robert. Then there's the NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burris. |
| Posted by: wxjames 2006-11-18 17:47 |
| #22 met an 'Excreta' once. |
| Posted by: Cheech 2006-11-18 13:56 |
| #21 Reviewing Child Support System documents I've seen; Darvon, Vagina (pronounced like Lasagna), Booger, Adderall, Kotex etc. but my personal favorite was Meconium. Nice job moms. I'm sure we'll be reading about your kids someday in the Police Beat columns. |
| Posted by: GORT 2006-11-18 13:15 |
| #20 DeNiro's SNL skit (video) on "terrorist" names... |
| Posted by: .com 2006-11-18 13:09 |
| #19 Back when I used to hang out on alt.folklore.urban, we would periodically be bombarded by newbies telling us "new" legends we'd heard 1000 times before. A perpetual favorite was "funny names", like Fe-male and Shithead (pronounced Shi-thaid or Shi-theed), along with Nosmo King (it was above the door in the hospital), twins Lemonjello and Oranjello, and Syphilis and Gonorrhea (rhyme with Phyllis and Honoria). Funny names were generally ascribed to certain ethnic or social groups, depending on whoever the teller thought were no-account low-rent morons. For example, when I was a kid I was told the Syphilis and Gonorrhea one, said to be the children of "some woman in Arkansas". Cause ain't nothin' lower to a Missouri redneck than an Arkansas redneck. |
| Posted by: Angie Schultz 2006-11-18 13:04 |
| #18 I have to wonder if, when the kids are old enough, will they even know what Rap is, much less "..transient rap stars."" Sounds almost like someone living under a bridge and needs a quarter for bus fare home (riii-iiight) |
| Posted by: USN, ret. 2006-11-18 12:36 |
| #17 Kismiass. George Kismiass. Don't go to court. "Name?" "Kismiass, your Honor." "What?" |
| Posted by: Jereling Jiger3759 2006-11-18 12:31 |
| #16 I push papers in an office where all kinda fun names come across my desk. My all-time fave is: Tutankhamun Adolphus Seniorjohnson Seriously. Maybe someone down the hall was screwing with me, but that's how I filed him. |
| Posted by: Vegas Matt 2006-11-18 12:29 |
| #15 "As a musician, Frank Zappa was pretty good, but as a father...I don't recall he had such a horrible childhood that he had to punish his children." If memory serves, Zappa turned out (despite the whole name thingy) to be infamously successful in raising polite, well-adjusted children who loved him to death. We should all be so lucky. |
| Posted by: Ernest Brown 2006-11-18 12:17 |
| #14 36 Arsenals of both sexes Lessee ... British parents naming their infant boys and girls "Arsenal". The first week of school for those kids will be a real eye-opener. |
| Posted by: mrp 2006-11-18 10:48 |
| #13 Jasmine Jazzmine (twin sisters) Leroy Leroi (twin brothers) I'm not making this up. Cute for their parents, a nightmare for the kids, and a reason for teachers to go postal. |
| Posted by: Shakahelia 2006-11-18 10:46 |
| #12 Sixan Seveneights Farnam. They put names in a hat and chose one. |
| Posted by: KBK 2006-11-18 10:44 |
| #11 I served with a woman who told me about an elementary school friend of hers whose family was so low-rent, as well as being completely unscathed by sophisication, that she (the friend) was the first ever to have been born in a hospital. When she was brought to her mother from the nursery, the mother looked at the little name-tag on her wrist which said "Female So-&-so" and assumed that the hospital had taken the liberty of naming the baby. So the poor kid was named "Female", pronouced "Fe-Molly". Everyone called her "Molly"...fortunatly. |
| Posted by: Sgt. Mom 2006-11-18 10:33 |
| #10 Didntpulloutintime Jones |
| Posted by: Frank G 2006-11-18 10:00 |
| #9 ...I call foul - my ex and I had chosen Keira for a girl's name in 1986. (Of course, we picked it after watching Xanadu ...I know, I'm sorry...) Mike |
| Posted by: Mike Kozlowski 2006-11-18 08:46 |
| #8 I know a mechanic whose name is Rusty Wrench. His younger brother's name was Allen. Caught all kinds of hell for it when they were young. |
| Posted by: gorb 2006-11-18 02:44 |
| #7 I think it will be a long time before someone beats this: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen As a musician, Frank Zappa was pretty good, but as a father...I don't recall he had such a horrible childhood that he had to punish his children. |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2006-11-18 02:34 |
| #6 From my college days, I knew a Chinese family with three daughters; April, May and June. Nice girls too. |
| Posted by: Steve White 2006-11-18 02:30 |
| #5 And then there's Grace. |
| Posted by: .com 2006-11-18 01:49 |
| #4 A friend of mine taught some pre schoolers from one family Faith, Hope and Paul. Obviously the boy screwed up the plan so to compensate they gave him the second name of Preditor. When I asked why the response was they just loved the movie. |
| Posted by: Classer 2006-11-18 01:47 |
| #3 An education consultant friend met a boy in a New Jersey school named $hithead Heh heh, Johnny Cash would have been proud. |
| Posted by: gorb 2006-11-18 01:27 |
| #2 I'm naming my next kid 'NoneOfTheAbove'. He'll have a bright future in politics. |
| Posted by: DMFD 2006-11-18 01:24 |
| #1 An education consultant friend met a boy in a New Jersey school named Shithead. Now that is name abuse. |
| Posted by: Grunter 2006-11-18 01:06 |