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-Lurid Crime Tales-
Alabammy Teen Arrested for Raping His Maw
2006-10-30
Uhuh. Maw's 45 and Junior's 19. Anybody want to bet the siblings are half brothers, maybe even only 40 percent brothers?
Albertville, Ala. -- Police say a Marshall County teen raped his mother to get revenge on his brother.
"Damn yew, Clem! I'm gonna... I'm gonna..."
"What're yew gonna do, Junior?"
"I'm gonna bone Maw!"
Police say 19-year-old Gary Helms, Jr., raped his 45-year-old mother this past weekend at Willow Terrace Trailer Park on Doyle Drive in Albertville. It's a twisted crime that police say Helms admits.
"Yeah. I dunnit. But she wuz askin' fer it!"
"From what we understand the rape stemmed from an argument between him and his brother. And apparently they were arguing over a blow up doll girlfriend.
"Goddamn yew, Clem! Lemme have a turn!"
And the rape was some sort of retaliation towards his brother," said Sgt. Jamie Smith of the Albertville Police Department.
"Aw, hell! Yew let all the air out of her!"
It was unusual retaliation on an unsuspecting victim. Authorities say Helms' mother was apparently passed out drunk on the couch when the rape started.
"Well! Whut have we here? [Prod! Prod!]"
"[Drool!]"
"During the attack she did come to and recognize her attacker. (Reporter: As her son?) As her son," said Smith.
"Whut? Whut? Whozzat?"
"It's jest me, Maw!"
That's when, according to the police report, the mother "tried to get away, but he held her down until he was finished."
"Git offen o' me, yew varmint!"
"It's totally sick is what it is," said Smith. Helms was arrested and charged with the 1st degree rape of his own mother.
"It ain't rape iff'n it's a fambly member!"
Smith says it's hard to wrap your mind around.
"Though it I suppose it ain't hard to comprehend if you don't have one."
"Shocked, shocked would be more a better way to describe it. That somebody would dip to the lows to do something of this nature. It's just pretty much a shock to the conscience of the general public," said Smith. Helms is being held in the Marshall County Jail on $100,000 bond.
Just put him down. Think of it as chlorinating the gene pool.
Posted by:Fred

#23  
I guess that's how you tell the farmers from the city folk in Alibamy. The city folks at least have the respectability to keep it in the fambly.

..uh cept them bi sectual farmers who like fambly and livestock.
Posted by: macofromoc   2006-10-30 23:10  

#22  "she didn't say no....at first"
Posted by: Frank G   2006-10-30 21:26  

#21  I blame bush

Shouldn't that be Bush? Oh, nevermind . . . .
Posted by: gorb   2006-10-30 21:25  

#20  brings the swear word "motherf*cker" to light
geez
Posted by: Jan   2006-10-30 19:50  

#19  Been there, too,xblanke. I grew up in Alabama. Now I live in the hills of Tennessee.I still can't quite believe it, but since it was reported it did happen. Mom was 26 when Sunny was born, that's not unusual. I bet EVERYBODY was drunk and Mom was the only one passed out.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2006-10-30 19:41  

#18  If they were in Alabama Sharia, he couldn't be prosecuted...just saying...
Posted by: Frank G   2006-10-30 19:32  

#17  Don't be too hard on em, I mean somebody actually called this in as a crime. They coulda just went on with their lives.
The dog would have been nervous, but just sayin.
Posted by: wxjames   2006-10-30 18:35  

#16  I hate to admit this but: I've actually been to Albertville - very quick visit. Really ...I swear ...just passing through ...
Posted by: xbalanke   2006-10-30 18:08  

#15  I blame bush
Posted by: Thoth   2006-10-30 17:47  

#14  Fred__ please post pic of Al Jolson singing "Mammy".

"How I luv ya
How I luv ya,
My dear Ole Mammy"

Posted by: Shaitan Gnobble7660   2006-10-30 17:36  

#13  OK (volunteering for the mission): Trailer Parks, why do they hate family values????
Posted by: USN, ret.   2006-10-30 17:30  

#12  Tries to stop laughing enough to type

ex-Jag, MEOW. LOL
Posted by: lotp   2006-10-30 17:09  

#11  "Aw, hell! Yew let all the air out of her!"

ROFL!!! I agree, this belongs in the Classics...
Posted by: Dave D.   2006-10-30 17:03  

#10  I guess she forgot to cover up the cat.
Posted by: exJAG   2006-10-30 16:35  

#9  I ain't no fruit! Mama's a girl!
Posted by: Gary Helms Jr.   2006-10-30 15:43  

#8  Fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-10-30 15:41  

#7  Penguin - that is just so wrong! Yes, I laughed but I shouldn't have.

Seriously - the poor woman.
Posted by: GORT   2006-10-30 15:39  

#6  Execellent inlines Fred. Let the air outta her... LOL!

This has to be placed in the classics!
Posted by: CrazyFool   2006-10-30 15:37  

#5  Put that motherf*cker in jail.
Posted by: Penguin   2006-10-30 15:30  

#4  40 percent... LMAO!
Posted by: .com   2006-10-30 15:09  

#3  Rofl, Fred! The inline, the pic, hysterical!
Posted by: .com   2006-10-30 15:08  

#2  Holy guacamole! Revenge rape American style. If there aren't sentencing enhancements for raping a family member, maybe there should be.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-10-30 15:05  

#1  Now, now. Let's not stereotype Alabama white trash...
Posted by: tu3031   2006-10-30 15:04  

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