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-Short Attention Span Theater-
"Nature is apparently polluting itself"
2006-09-29
John Podhoretz, "The Corner" at National Review

You know what the problem with the environment is? There are just too darn many critters. The Wash Post explains:

Scientists have run high-tech tests on harmful bacteria in local rivers and streams and found that many of the germs — and in the Potomac and Anacostia rivers, a majority of them— come from wildlife dung. The strange proposition that nature is apparently polluting itself has created a serious conundrum for government officials charged with cleaning up the rivers.

Part of the problem lies with the unnaturally high populations of deer, geese and raccoons living in modern suburbs and depositing their waste there. But officials say it would be nearly impossible, and wildly unpopular, to kill or relocate enough animals to make a dent in even that segment of the pollution.

That leaves scientists and environmentalists struggling with a more fundamental question: How clean should we expect nature to be? In certain cases, they say, the water standards themselves might be flawed, if they appear to forbid something as natural as wild animals leaving their dung in the woods.

Emphasis added. I shall never forget these words: "Nature is apparently polluting itself." Shame on you, nature.
Posted by:Mike

#13  And do not leave off your list the necessary cleanup of elephant dung in and around waterholes in Africa. There are fecal coliform colonies there that have been known to carry away unattended children.
Posted by: Alaska Paul   2006-09-29 17:02  

#12  Separately, the Blue Ridge Mountains are apparently blue because of smog-like emissions from certain of the trees native to the region. This fact was established by atmospheric testing done by a PhD or post-doc in the latter half of the 1990s -- I wrote to him at the time to find out which trees, so that the PTA shouldn't plant those on our school's little nature preserve, but he never wrote back.
Posted by: trailing wife   2006-09-29 16:50  

#11  Some communities actually hired bowhunters to combat this. Makes sense, no rifle noise scaring the pussy-foots and arrows fired from an elevated position have a much shorter max range & trajectory. I've never had the chance to do any "suburban bowhunting" yet but it would prolly be fun.
Posted by: Broadhead6   2006-09-29 13:28  

#10  Gaia shit's herself? Who knew?
Posted by: tu3031   2006-09-29 12:43  

#9  Nature, why does it hate us?
Posted by: DarthVader   2006-09-29 10:02  

#8  TW, you just reminded me of one of my childhood experiences. There was distemper in the dog population when I was 14. I was walking home one day, when I came upon a police car and a small crowd of onlookers, most of them kids. The cop was pulling on a rope that had a beagle under a car on the other end. The beagle would not more, and started to growl fiercely. The cop, a gun wielding professional, pulled his weapon. He pulled the beagle from under the car, and the dog lunged at him. He fired 3 fast rounds into the beagle. The kids were within 6 feet of them at the time. I just walked away shaking my head.
Posted by: wxjames   2006-09-29 09:56  

#7  Around here the extensive county parks systems keep professional hunters on retainer to thin the deer herds to the carrying capacity of the land. They have to keep this fact quiet, though, of the Bambi squads will start fussing. Apparently too, a neighborhood can hire one of these pros to do something about a local excess of critters, in areas where human density is below a certain limit, and where the laws forbid amateurs from shooting off guns.
Posted by: trailing wife   2006-09-29 09:14  

#6  Jerky, paté, hats. Problem solved.
Posted by: ed   2006-09-29 09:09  

#5  "unnaturally high populations of deer, geese and raccoons living in modern suburbs and depositing their waste there"

Liberal dumbasses. That's what rifles are for.
Posted by: mcsegeek1   2006-09-29 08:50  

#4  Now we all know.
Posted by: GK   2006-09-29 08:34  

#3  Damn... I guess bears (et cetera) do shit in the woods!
Posted by: Sgt. Mom   2006-09-29 08:26  

#2  Let me think deer, geese, raccoons...How did we formerly control these populations? How did we do it?
Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-09-29 08:00  

#1  Build toilets for racoons.
Posted by: JFM   2006-09-29 07:04  

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