#5 Bomb parts found in old lady's shed
Host: Last week the Royal Teatime Pavilion saw the debut of a new lace doily by one of the world's leading modern tatters, Granny 'Two sheds' Jackson. Mrs. Jackson.
Jackson: Hello.
Host: May I just sidetrack for one moment. This -- what shall I call it -- nickname of yours...
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host: "Two sheds". How did you come by it?
Jackson: Well, I don't use it myself, but some of my friends call me "Two Sheds".
Host: And do you in fact have two sheds?
Jackson: No, I've only got one. I've had one for some time, but a few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some people have called me "Two Sheds".
Host: In spite of the fact that you only have one.
Jackson: Yes.
Host: And are you still intending to purchase this second shed?
Jackson: (impatient) No!
Host: ...To bring you in line with your epithet?
Jackson: No.
Host: I see, I see. Well to return to your lace making.
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host: Did you tat this new doily in the shed?
Jackson: (surprised) No!
Host: Have you tatted any of your recent lace pieces in this shed of yours?
Jackson: No, no, not at all. It's just an ordinary garden shed.
Host: I see, I see. And you're thinking of buying this second shed to tat in!
Jackson: No, no. Look. This shed business -- it doesn't really matter. The sheds aren't important. A few friends call me Two Sheds and that's all there is to it. I wish you'd ask me about the doilies. Everybody talks about the sheds. They've got it out of proportion -- I'm a lace maker. I'm going to get rid of the shed. I'm fed up with it!
Host: Then you'll be Granny 'No Sheds' Jackson, eh?
Jackson: Look, forget about the sheds. They don't matter.
Host: (sternly) Mrs. Jackson, I think, with respect, we ought to return to the subject of your doily.
Jackson: Huh!
Host: I understand that you used to be interested in demolition.
Jackson: What?
Host: I understand that, about thirty years ago, you were interested in high explosive demolition work.
Jackson: Well what's that got to do with my bloody lace?
Other host: (entering) Are you having any trouble with him?
Host: Yes, a little. Good Lord! You're the man who interviewed Sir Edward Ross earlier.
Other host: Exactly. Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, "Two Sheds".
Host: Yes, make yourself scarce, "Two Sheds". This studio isn't big enough for the three of us! (They throw her out.)
Jackson: Here, what are you doing? Stop it! [Crash.]
Other host: Get your own Arts programme, you haridan!
Host: Granny "Two Sheds" Jackson... Never mind, Timmy.
Other host: Oh Mike, you're such a comfort. |
MORE than 300 people have been evacuated after explosive material was found in a garden shed in central western New South Wales. Removalists discovered four sticks of gelignite, detonators, fuses and gunpowder in the back shed of an elderly woman's house in Spring Street, Orange about 11.30am (AEST) today. Police said the material was unstable because a gelignite stick had ruptured and was beginning to crystalise.