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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Guardian: Is Liz Talyor Dead? (Age cannot wither her) |
| 2006-06-07 |
| There must be more to Liz Taylor's afterlife than Larry King Live It must have been a slow day at the Guardian Mark Twain is often celebrated for his witty observation that "the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated", but many felt he missed a trick by failing to follow it up with the words: "But while you're on, can I interest you in a Diamonique choker?" Keen to close the circle, a kaftan-shrouded Liz Taylor was wheeled on to CNN's Larry King Live this week with the dual aim of denying recent US tabloid reports that she is in the later stages of Alzheimer's, and flogging her new range of jewellery. "Am I alive?" she demanded of the chatshow host, whose own vital signs have long been disputed. "Am I dead?" Man, it's a tough call. On the one hand, I need to think there's more to any afterlife for which Liz is destined than getting done up like Demis Roussos to offload cubic zirconias on a cable channel. She should at least be fighting with Richard Burton on something networked. On the other, the entire broadcast did have the flavour of the movie classic Weekend at Bernie's, and it wouldn't be the most enormous surprise if each jerky movement of Liz's arm toward her competitively priced wares was in fact the result of a complex pulley system operated by an unseen puppeteer, as opposed to a genuine human motor reflex. Anyways, after the above deliberation, Liz came down on the side of insisting that she lives. Whether you believe her or not is a matter for you: what is clear is that she's not comfortable enough with her legacy to go at any time. She's got at least one more range of tat in her, which many believed impossible after her White Diamonds fragrance had spun off into Diamonds and Sapphires, Diamonds and Emeralds, Diamonds and Rubies. (Even as we speak, somewhere in Bel Air they're working on Diamonds and Prescription Painkillers.) |
| Posted by:3dc |
| #4 "Is Liz Taylor Dead?" No. But if not for her exclusive diet of Humming Bird eggs and the fresh adrenal glands of Brown-Headed Spider monkeys she would have to spend most of her waking hours in her cryogenic chamber. |
| Posted by: DepotGuy 2006-06-07 17:38 |
| #3 Then she bit him and they had to shoot her in the brain to get her to stop chomping his entrails. Ah! A wonderful scene from a favorite zombie movie/rock video: "Night of the Living Dead Kennedys". |
| Posted by: Rob Crawford 2006-06-07 15:37 |
| #2 Then she bit him and they had to shoot her in the brain to get her to stop chomping his entrails. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2006-06-07 15:19 |
| #1 On the other, the entire broadcast did have the flavour of the movie classic Weekend at Bernie's, and it wouldn't be the most enormous surprise if each jerky movement of Liz's arm toward her competitively priced wares was in fact the result of a complex pulley system operated by an unseen puppeteer, as opposed to a genuine human motor reflex. Ted Kennedy used to do that for photo ops with Rose in the wheelchair when she was about 107 and he was in another jam. I used to look forward to seeing it on the front page of the Globe around every Easter or Mothers Day because it was so hilarious. I never thought Rose actually ever died, but that Ted just used up all the ice for his drinks... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2006-06-07 13:35 |