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Europe
Spain to give apes human rights, deny rights to capitalists
2006-04-26
The Spanish Socialist Party will introduce a bill in the Congress of Deputies calling for "the immediate inclusion of (simians) in the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently are only enjoyed by human beings." The PSOE's justification is that humans share 98.4% of our genes with chimpanzees, 97.7% with gorillas, and 96.4% with orangutans.
The party will announce its Great Ape Project at a press conference tomorrow. An organization with the same name is seeking a UN declaration on simian rights which would defend ape interests "the same as those of minors and the mentally handicapped of our species."

According to the Project, "Today only members of the species Homo sapiens are considered part of the community of equals. The chimpanzee, the gorilla, and the orangutan are our species's closest relatives. They possess sufficient mental faculties and emotional life to justify their inclusion in the community of equals."
They're certainly the intellectual equals or superiors to socialists.
Posted by:Jackal

#20  Please oh please oh please tell me this is ScrappleFace!
Posted by: SteveS   2006-04-26 22:58  

#19  Why'm I remainder of the "in love with a female gorilla" skit from the Cabaret?
Posted by: gromgoru   2006-04-26 22:20  

#18  So, the Spanish have decided that Basil Fawlty was right? That apes are their equals? Neat. Way to go, Zappy...

Posted by: Dave D.   2006-04-26 20:17  

#17  Take your paws off me you Damn Dirty Socialists!
Posted by: ed   2006-04-26 16:48  

#16  Let me see if I have this straight:

Apes, which share 98.4% of our genes, are going to be declared persons and extended legal protections.

Fetuses and Terri Schiavo, who have 100% human DNA, are not persons and may freely be put down.

Does that mean I get an "A," Professor Singer?
Posted by: Mike   2006-04-26 16:21  

#15  Dang! Next thing you know, people will allow wimmen to vote... owh, wait. Nevermind.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-04-26 12:46  

#14  I can seee it now: Today, Hillary Clinton visited the Bronx Zoo to give a speech on fresh letuce. She was repeatedly interrupted by a signifying monkey. Willy, the monkey signaled her with his middle finger and his upper lip. Hillary got the message and broke for lunch early.
Posted by: wxjames   2006-04-26 12:38  

#13  Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!
Posted by: DarthVader   2006-04-26 12:07  

#12  POTA Rules! IT begins!
Posted by: borgboy   2006-04-26 11:43  

#11  Funny, I was entertaining the idea of proposing the same law for liberals. But then I came to my senses.
Posted by: bigjim-ky   2006-04-26 11:25  

#10  CF is right: they've massively expanded their voting pool.
Posted by: Secret Master   2006-04-26 11:05  

#9  "seeking a UN declaration on simian rights which would defend ape interests..."

This makes sense. After all, apes have the inherent right of universal dignity to randomly fling their fecal matter without the ridicule of their arrogant human cousins.
Posted by: DepotGuy   2006-04-26 10:42  

#8  lol, CF! Very important point! This will make the dead voting in Chicago look like child's play.
Posted by: BA   2006-04-26 10:05  

#7  Some people would do anything for a few more million votes....
Posted by: CrazyFool   2006-04-26 09:57  

#6  Argh! Alimony! Run Away! Run Away!
Posted by: Abdominal Snowman   2006-04-26 09:55  

#5  Does this apply to marriage rights? I guess you really could be a monkey's uncle in Madrid.
Posted by: Desert Blondie   2006-04-26 09:42  

#4  Oh, great. Now future headlines will read "Women, minorities and apes hardest hit."
Posted by: BA   2006-04-26 09:25  

#3  Do they get to pay taxes?
Posted by: mojo   2006-04-26 03:27  

#2  The figure I always heard was that it was something like a 60% overlap with cabbage.

I think it explains a lot.
Posted by: Abdominal Snowman   2006-04-26 00:54  

#1  The PSOE's justification is that humans share 98.4% of our genes with chimpanzees, 97.7% with gorillas, and 96.4% with orangutans.

Human's share 50% of their genes with Sea Slugs.

To think these morons actually got elected.
Posted by: phil_b   2006-04-26 00:27  

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