 The police in Lilongwe Thursday arrested three people in broad daylight at Lilongwe Hotel for being found in possession of male sexual organs.
| It's illegal to have balls? What is this, the U.N.? |
| Do I have to check for cops when I go out to lunch today? |
| Only if you're meeting Patty Ann Brown at the Lilongwe Hotel. Papers please! |
"Please! I should like to have my testicles returned to me!"
Sure, Dominique, here they are. How'd you notice they were gone?" |
The parts, which included a penis and testicles, were oozing blood at the time of the arrest, police said.
| I'd get that looked at if I was you |
| You may not believe this, but we've seen stranger things in an urban ER. |
Central Region Police public relations officer Moyenda Chitimbe confirmed the development Thursday, saying the police arrested the three following a tip.
| "Calling all cars! Be on the lookout for a bloody doinker and nuts! That is all!" |
The three suspects were driving a saloon.
According to Chitimbe, the suspects wrapped the penis and testicles in a plastic bag to keep them fresh.
| Nothing worse than a stale penis |
| That's what the little woman always tells me. |
| "Don't get mad, get GLAD!" |
“The penis and testicles looked so fresh because they were still oozing blood.
"And how much is that one?"
"Oh, Maudette! You don't want that one! It doesn't look fresh!"
"How about that one?"
"Now, that's fresh!" |
"From the look of things, they must have been removed them from a man the same day in the morning,” he said.
| Oh, there were 3 guys with four sets of balls. Why didn't you say so earlier? |
However, Chitimbe could not be drawn into disclosing names of the three alleged human parts traffickers for fear of jeopardising investigations.
| There a big market in Lilongwe for those parts? Or would this fall into after-market upgrades? |
“It's very difficult as of now to actually give you more details on the matter because we are still liaising with officers that have gone flat out investigating the matter,” said Chitimbe.
| "They're taking this personally, y'know! 'There, but for the grace of God, go I. Or part of me.'" |
But Chitimbe told The Daily Times that in the meantime, two of the three arrested have distanced the third person from any matter in connection with the arrest. The two, during interrogations at Central Region Police headquarters told the police the third man was just a mere taxi driver operating from one of the taxi ranks in the city. “The third man confessed that he was just hired and he did not even know the people who hired him,” said Chitimbe.
| "Honest, officer! I wuz just sittin' at me hack stand, and these two guyz comes up and wanna go to the city dump! I din't do nuffin!" |
Meanwhile, the police are still pressing the remaining two to substantiate their claim that they were just given the parcel containing the human private parts by another man.
"Really! It ain't ours!"
"Obviously not!"
"I mean, somebody give it to us!" |
| "And he seemed to be in an awful hurry, too!" |
“The two, at the moment, are still insisting that they did not know that the parcel they were carrying contained those items,” said Chitimbe.
| Yeah, I have people trying to give me bags of Bobbit takeout all the time. |
| "He told us it was a ham sammitch!" |
Chitimbe asked this reporter to call him an hour later to check for more information on the matter.
| "We posted a 'lost and found' notice. Somebody'll call, I'm sure, soon's they notice it's gone!" |
| "Yes, Dominique, we'll hold them for you. In a manner of speaking." |
But Chitimbe could not be reached when called again.
"Tell 'em I'm not here!"
"He sez he ain't here!" |
An eyewitness, an official from the hotel who refused to be named, disclosed that the two men had parked the saloon at the car park just close to one of the bars at the hotel. The two men except the driver came out and sat on the veranda along the pathway that leads to the hotel’s reception. “They were seen to be busy trying to make some connections on the phone until two CID [Criminal Investigation Officers] appeared and arrested them.
"Mbongo! We got a hot schlong! You got a buyer?"
"Ixnay on the ongshclay! Good evening, officers!" |
"They were taken to the saloon, ordered to open the boot where a plastic bag was found containing the private parts,” said the eyewitness.
| Perhaps this was a "Bring me the Head of Alfredo Garcia" operation? |
| "Bring me the little head of Alfredo Garcia!" |
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