‘How I robbed the railways!’Reported in the Jang, constable Nawaz confessed that he looted the railways treasury in Lahore while he was its guard and ran away with Rs 3 crore 61 lakh but was caught when he kept ringing up his colleagues in Lahore to find out if he was being investigated. He said he was an army soldier but got into the police after leaving the army. He kept trying to get posted to the treasury and finally got the job even though he had bad reports. Then he got three accomplices including one fellow constable to drug the guard and cut the safe open. He thereafter offended his accomplices by giving them a mere Rs 15,000 each and bought a bungalow in Bahawalpur for Rs 28 lakh, and got a new face and hair through plastic surgery. In all Rs 3 crore 25 lakh were found on him after he was caught through entrapment.
Lahore birds too protested against Denmark
According to the daily Pakistan, birds stopped coming to eat grain at Istanbul Chowk in Lahore on the great March 3 Protest Day against insult to the Prophet (pbuh). Birds are known to do ibadat and praise the Prophet (pbuh) but when the birds realised that Lahore was protesting they too absented themselves from the two special places where grain was kept for them.
Be kind to us, master!
Columnist Irfan Siddiqi wrote in the Nawa-e-Waqt that his request to Bush was that he should not insult us in front of others. Indoors (andar-khanay) he could treat us as roughly as he wished but in public he should pat us on the back so that our habit of slavery (khu-e-ghulam) and natural inclination to worship (fitrat-e-bandagi) could be satisfied. Whenever Bush passes through the region to do a big deal with some state or visit one of his colonies he should also call on us so that we can show off (thoon-tthan) too.
Bush cornered Pakistan
Reported in Khabrain, ex-ISI chief Hameed Gul said that President BushÂ’s March tour of India had pushed Pakistan into a corner while making India into a regional hegemon. He said Pakistan was put under pressure to vote against Iran at the IAEA and to get rid of its nuclear programme. In these circumstances PakistanÂ’s friendship with China had become more crucial and the Mekran Coast had become strategic. He said ManmohanÂ’s remark about a failed state was important. To get Pakistan to do its bidding, the US may get Pakistan to hold elections in 2006.
Another False prophet appears in Bhai Pheru
According to the Nawa-e-Waqt a new prophet after Imam Mehdi made his appearance in Bhai Pheru near Lahore when Abdul Hamid declared that he was sent by God. He soon set up a Kaaba and started doing hajj around it while introducing his own name into the kalima. He also started doing his tabligh in the area. The people of Bhai Pheru became greatly incensed and attacked him before the police took him and locked him up. The people then stood outside the jail and wanted him to be handed over. Then the people started breaking public property to express their love for Islam, after which the police threw teargas shells at them. This caused bhagdaur (stampede) and people gathered to do some sincere property damage were greatly offended with the police. The following day the city of Qasur remained closed due to hartal by the shopkeepers and more police force was called from surrounding districts in anticipation of widespread vandalism on the part of the pious Muslims. The false prophet was taken to Lahore in a cavalcade of six cars.
Imran bigger leader than Fazl and Qazi
| That's hard to pictue, frankly... |
America turned JunejoÂ’s head
Historian Dr Safdar Mehmood wrote in Jang that no Pakistani ruler was legitimate unless he travelled to the United States and took a certificate from Washington. Like all rulers Muhammad Khan Junejo after becoming prime minister of Pakistan in 1985 insisted that he must visit Washington. He finally went and got his certificate of legitimacy from the US. But such visits also turned the rulersÂ’ head. General Zia expressed his fear publicly when he said that JunejoÂ’s head had been turned by Washington. Predictably, Junejo rebelled and Zia removed him.
‘Plotocracy’ instead of plutocracy
Writing in Nawa-e-Waqt Ghiasuddin Janbaz stated that Pakistan’s bureaucracy was deeply involved in the practice of plotocracy (allotting of plots of land) and notocracy (making of currency notes), while the politicians were busy practising lotocracy (becoming ‘lota’ to change political loyalties) to accumulate more wealth.
Shahid Afridi and Tablighi Jamaat
Sarerahe wrote in Nawa-e-Waqt that the Tablighi Jamaat had been praying to capture PakistanÂ’s top cricketer Shahid Afridi to join its preaching team and this prayer was finally heard. Shahid Afridi had actually led a Tablighi Jamaat preaching team to Umar Kot in Sindh. Sarerahe said that now each sixer hit by Afridi would be an Islamic sixer. All cricketers had already become members of the Jamaat, now only Afridi was left. The prayer had been heard.
Naji and Qaji
Jamaat Islami leader Amirul Azim questioned columnist Nazeer NajiÂ’s probity in selecting Qazi Hussain Ahmed and the MMA for criticism in the context of 14 February destruction of property in Lahore while protesting Danish cartoons. Naji first hinted that the religious leaders could be behind the vandalism in Lahore, then tried to create a rift between Qazi Hussain and Maulana Fazlur Rehman, the two leaders of the MMA. Finally, Naji wrote that now the world had stopped protesting the cartoons, why was protest going on in Pakistan? The truth was that the cartoon controversy was simply the outer excuse; the real protest was propelled by other conditions in Pakistan which were unacceptable to the masses.
Fateh Muhammad and Kissinger and Enlightenment
Columnist Masud Ashar wrote in Jang that famous Pakistani intellectual Fateh Muhammad Malik spoke at a seminar at GC University in Lahore and warned the audience that the idea of enlightenment in Pakistan was nothing but a revival of a strategy followed by Henry Kissinger. Prof Mazur Ahmad said that Pakistan needed an intellectual paradigm shift to cope with the modern world.
Kasuri and Condy RiceÂ’s leg
Columnist Abbas Athar wrote in Nawa-e-Waqt that a photograph issued during President Bush’s visit to Pakistan showed foreign minister Khursheed Mahmud Kasuri talking to his American counterpart Ms Condoleeza Rice. Mr Kasuri was earnestly trying to make a point – probably telling her that Pakistan was making all-out efforts against terrorism – but he seemed actually to be talking to her leg which she had extended by putting it on her other leg.