| NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana --- Willy Wonka announced today that he will run for mayor of New Orleans after Mayor Nagin rebuilds the city out of chocolate. The announcement comes after Nagin announced he will make New Orleans a "chocolate" city. "This is a chance of a lifetime," said Wonka. "I can put the Oompa Loompas on my staff, change the water fountains to chocolate, make it rain jelly beans, and hire Kojak and his lolly pop to protect the fine city. It sounds like a magical place. I'm so happy Mr. Nagin is doing this." There will be significant controversy over rebuilding the city in chocolate though. Infamous Louisiana Klansman, David Duke, insists that the city be built out of white chocolate. And gay advocates representing the city's large gay and lesbian population insist the city have a large area built out of Skittles, the candy with a rainbow of fruit flavors. The first major shipment of chocolate arrived yesterday, but it was looted before construction crews could get started rebuilding. |