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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Woman weds dolphin
2006-01-04
Second heart-warming animal story... there IS an hint of bestiality this time, the way we all like it.
British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today.

Ms Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart. "The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down," the Israeli daily quoted her as saying.

Last week, Ms Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

The wedding took place on Wednesday, with the bride - wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators - walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water. She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying. "I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert."
"No, no, certainly not!"
Posted by:anonymous5089

#29  It was a Sharon McCrumb book which had a subplot about a woman marrying a dolphin, the legal case involved, and her last thought being about mating underwater... just as funny as the Hiasson book, not quite as sick. (sorry, can't remember title. Too late in the evening, I'm too tired to schlepp over to the bookcase and look through the back covers)
Posted by: Sgt. Mom   2006-01-04 22:23  

#28  Letters to Dolphin Penthouse:

"I'm a male dolphin at a Midwestern aquarium/theme park studying phonics and autoresponse to a certain bell sound. I never thought this would happen to me: a lovely female human stroked my back and then my *ahem* rudder, if you get my drift...she smelled lovingly of cod liver and mackeral..."
Posted by: Frank G   2006-01-04 21:21  

#27  Um, in that Carl Hiassen book, the victim was a man.
Posted by: Eric Jablow   2006-01-04 17:35  

#26  Well... I'm tentatively supportive, I guess. As long as she doesn't convert to some freak dolphin religion which demands wholesale genocide of tuna, haddock, scuba divers, and Jooooos.
Posted by: BH   2006-01-04 17:04  

#25  A 41 year old woman doesn't get married, has no kids, but pleads undying love to another species.

How very postmodern Euro that is.

Is this truly anecdotal, or just the most extreme object example of the overall solipsistic, self absorbed, irresponsible inverted reality that is one of the pillars of EUroland's slow impending extinction?
Posted by: no mo uro   2006-01-04 16:18  

#24  Can anyone point me to DB's "sick man" line ??? Oh I see, I'm already in it. Thanks!
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-01-04 15:31  

#23  How does a burgandy taffeta bridesmaid mermaid dress stand up underwater, 2b? ;-)
Posted by: .com   2006-01-04 15:25  

#22  I can't wait to see their cute little mermaids.
Posted by: 2b   2006-01-04 15:22  

#21  Aw, DB, you say the nicest things!

*blush*
Posted by: .com   2006-01-04 15:12  

#20  .com, you are a very sick man. ;)
Posted by: Desert Blondie   2006-01-04 15:04  

#19  I read the Carl Hiassen book, very similar scenario to this particular piece of work. But the punchline: her last thought was as her husband took her to the bottom of the pool, dolphins mate underwater!
Posted by: Grunter   2006-01-04 14:55  

#18  Here's one playing with a pussy...


;-)
Posted by: .com   2006-01-04 14:45  

#17   "hung like a dolphin"?



Er, thats a whale of a willie!
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-01-04 14:39  

#16  So, I guess the new way to say a guy is, um, generously endowed and studly is "hung like a dolphin"?

I'm never gonna look at Flipper ever again without blushing now....
Posted by: Desert Blondie   2006-01-04 14:28  

#15  Male dolphins will occasionally commite rape when a female human gets into their tank believe it or not. It happens often enough that Caarl Haaisaan made a plot point out of it in one of his books.

The damage caused was never mentioned so I tend to doubt that but the rape itself would seem to be cause for worry.
Posted by: rjschwarz   2006-01-04 14:27  

#14  A5089: I got the info from a zoophilia site whose link came from Brother's Judd: sorry that I cannot provide it. The guy there distinguished bestiality from zoophilia by stating that, by having the superior intellect, that humans should be kind to animals and let the relationships be initiated from the animal end: that's zoophilia. Bestiality is when the human initiates the relationship against what passes as the "will" and "choice" of the animal. He goes on to counsel people on how to do it if they were ever "lucky" enough to be chosen by a dolphin, how to, umm, handle dolphin woodie, and specifically warned against getting in the line of fire...

I'm not all that emotionally tied up in that statement: just reporting what I heard...
Posted by: Ptah   2006-01-04 14:11  

#13  ROFL!!!

Coffee Alert !!!
Posted by: .com   2006-01-04 14:09  

#12  What do you prescribe to a male Dolphine with ED? Sealis of course.
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-01-04 14:03  

#11  Re: Woodies... I'll bet that played hell with their hydrodynamics, too, lol.

Peeing in the pool is bad enough...
Posted by: .com   2006-01-04 13:30  

#10  @ Ptah : this needs to be confirmed, as this would pose lotsa problems for "marineland" type shows, but IIRC I've read a long time ago that the "Flipper" shows and movie actually used female dolphins, because male dolphins get sexually aroused when being touched around, like a child actor swimming while grabbing them (swimming along and touching would actually be part of their nuptial dance), and they got *enormous*, er, "woodies" which are not very suitable for a family-oriented show...
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-01-04 13:25  

#9  I've read someplace that people have been warned AGAINST sex with male dolphins: people have had puncture wounds if they got in the way of the ejaculate.
Posted by: Ptah   2006-01-04 12:36  

#8  I'm sure their registry makes very interesting reading.
Posted by: Dreadnought   2006-01-04 12:29  

#7  At least she married within her Class.
Posted by: ed   2006-01-04 12:24  

#6  Then flipper will have something in common with your average human husband, JFM.

Oh, and Ms. Tendler... er Mrs. Flipper, you are definately a pervert.
Posted by: Secret Master   2006-01-04 11:27  

#5  "After the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels"

In French a mackerel is slang for a pimp.

Oh, and while we are at it male dolphins last only a few seconds.
Posted by: JFM   2006-01-04 10:16  

#4  sheesh.. to hell with the wedding, I wanna hear about the consummation.

/eh so what, ima perv
Posted by: Shoboater Angelton6948   2006-01-04 10:14  

#3  Last week, Ms Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

Bet that was an akward conversation. What is it with the weird British chicks in Israel this week? Is their some kind of forced emmigration program I don't know about?
Posted by: rjschwarz   2006-01-04 10:01  

#2  plucked up the courage


"Plucked up" pretty much explains it.
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-01-04 09:35  

#1  I'd rather see her do that than simply turn lesbian if she cant get a date.
Posted by: bigjim-ky   2006-01-04 09:19  

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