Coffee alert
 Robert Mugabe, the Zimbabwean president, says the dire situation in his Southern African nation is partly due to "unilateral sanctions by countries who do not wish Zimbabwe well". He went on to describe his controversial land reform programme as part of Zimbabwe's effort to meet the Millennium Declaration Goals. "Our achievements in the area of universal primary education are a testimony to this resolve. We have also committed ourselves to addressing extreme poverty and hunger by redistributing land to the majority of our citizens who had been condemned to conditions of squalor by years of colonialism and its vestiges," he said.
| Except that the extreme poverty and hunger didn't exist before Bob's acquisition of total power... |
In an apparent effort to deflect the criticism that has been leveled at him over Zimbabwe's failing economy, he urged UN member states to be more "big-minded".
"We must have the courage to go beyond the mere posturing that is characterised by name-calling, finger-pointing and false accusations," he said.
| "For instance, calling people racists, pointing fingers at countries far removed from the scene, some of whom may not even have heard of Zim, and claiming the existence of vast international conspiracies against oneself..." |
Mugabe, who is now being targeted by critics for an urban clearance programme that saw the demolition of informal settlements, leaving hundreds of thousands homeless, condemned countries who he said threw their weight around.
| "The Party can do that internally. We don't want no other countries doing the same thing, though..." |
"We need to avoid situations where few countries, by virtue of their privileged positions, dictate the agenda for everybody else," he said cuttingly, going on to describe countries that invaded other states in defiance of international law as being part of a "coalition of evil". Mugabe called on the United Nations to put pressure on the developed world to live up to their commitment to assist poor countries, adding however that calling for assistance was not an invitation to "interfere".
| "Y'see, a few years ago, we wuz the Breadbasket of Africa™, but now we're so poor our people are starving. Just because that's the result of our own internal policies, that we refuse to change in the face of the evidence that they don't work, that's no reason to go interfering to try and alleviate people's suffering." |
"International efforts should only complement that of national programmes," he warned, saying that the motives of countries that seek to assist must be "scrutinised".
| Scrutinize to your heart's content, Bob. It's going to get continually harder to find people willing to be scrutinized, though... |
"Let us seek to secure the world by addressing the root causes of the present insecurity, which are to be found in poverty, hunger and disease on the one hand, and intolerance, double standards, xenophobia, selectivity and self-righteousness in our approach to issues on the other," he said.
| "Now, I realize I've just described myself and my regime, and what we've done to our formerly moderately prosperous nation, but don't go thinkin' it applies to us!" |
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