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| HUFFPO EMERGENCY BUSH BASH BLOG APPLICATION |
| 2005-09-08 |
| FOR THE VICTIMS OF ALL DISASTERS EVERYWHERE! EFL RTWT - Hilarious! Do you often find yourself fantasizing about becoming a Huffpost blogger? Do you love to read other blogs, digest their info, and then expel pre-chewed nut-bag assumptions into a concerned and earnest post? If so, you might be perfect for this blog! So... how do you get the job? Just tick the boxes! SECTION ONE: WHO ARE YOU? Are you famous? Do you know someone famous? have you ever brushed up against someone famous? Was it Warren Beatty? Did you think he'd be firmer? Is your husband famous? (check one of the following) - Yes I am Rebecca Pidgeon. - Yes I am Laurie David - Yes, I am Shiva Rose - No, but my wife is rich AND famous, I am Brad Hall - Other lady of leisure:____________________ Where did you spend your summer vacation? - French Riviera - Camp Casey - Deepak Chopra's Seducing the Spirit Retreat - working as Sean Penn's personal photographer Which of the following countries have you threatened to move to (check all that apply): - France - Canada - Monaco has no taxes, right? -Can you work the phrase "tipping point" into a sentence, without actually reading the book, "The Tipping Point," or even understanding what this tipping point thing is? Can you pretend to know something without knowing anything? Do you have a black and white picture of yourself, with your chin resting comfortably on your fist? When you stare at this picture, do you get a warm fuzzy feeling, not unlike urinating down your leg? have you ever written any poetry? -it doesnât rhyme, does it? -are you a man? -if so, when you tell people youâre a poet, do they immediately realize theyâre going to have to pay for dinner? Have you ever claimed that you are a fiscal Republican? Just so you can spout lefty crap at parties? You still go home alone, don't you? Do you own a Che Guevara sweatshirt? Did you wear it to a Dave Matthews concert last year? Did you get beaten up by a group of pissed-off Cubans? SECTION 2: DISASTER THINKING -Do you believe that no one can voice support of the IRAQ war UNLESS they are willing to serve in it? -YET when it came to the flood, you readily assumed an expertise in crisis management within hours of the disaster? -And only so you could heave blame at Bush like a monkey flinging his own feces? Do you always try to relate large-scale tragedies to your own life? -Do you say things like, âWow, I was just in New Orleans." -"I had a connecting flight there." -"I bought some beads in terminal 2." -"I rented the Big Easy once. It was good." -do you see "looting" as a function of poverty? - brought on by Bush's policies? -do you think you and a looter might get along over a beer? -as you both agree over the point you just made about poverty? -do you press charges after he stabs you? Do you assume all poor people loot when faced with crisis? -Even though most, if not all, poor people hate looters? -Even though most, if not all, poor people HATE YOU MORE- for excusing looters? do you really believe Bush doesnât care about poor, black people? -But, then, who really seemed to RELISH the tragedy more? -Bush? -or The Huffington Post? -When was the last time you used the word 'deconstruction?' -Did it feel good? -How will post-modernism help those in need right now on the Gulf Coast? -Don't you think hicks who can do construction are more valuable to society than you? -Does this shocking juxtaposition explain everything at the HuffPo? Randall Robinson says people were eating corpses in New Orleans. -is this an example of what Bush calls "soft bigotry of lowered expectations?" -Do you think Randall's desire to demonize Bush exposed his own delusional fantasies? -Do you think Randall's pants were on when he wrote that fantasy? (NOTE:We are not implying that cannibalism is bad. Here at the Huffpo, we love ancient, spiritual cultures. And you can't get much more ancient or spiritual than the Anasazi tribe, and they used cannibalism in religious ceremonies as a method to get followers to pay tribute and build monuments. What these folks were doing was a religious, healing process. In a pot.) Do you believe people are too afraid to discuss the "taboo" of race? Yet you can discuss it for hours, insert it into any topic, from natural disasters to footwear? Do you feel compelled to let blacks know immediately where you stand on the topic of race? Do you feel compelled to tell blacks how much you admire Spike Jonze? Do you realize the next day that you meant Spike Lee? Is there anything racist about the fact that Oprah Winfrey talks black to black people, and then talks differently to white people? -And what's up with Steadman, anyway? -He's really taking care of himself! SECTION THREE: YOUR BELIEFS! When a crime is committed, do you blame the criminal? Or do you find a root cause? Do you try to find a root cause for everything? How about when your girlfriend dumped you? What do you think her root cause was? Was it your obsession with root causes? or just your small root? A man wants to date his sister. Does this offend you? -yes, it does. Iâm fairly tolerant of many things, but not incest. -No, not at all. Centuries from now we'll look back at this time with embarrassment - a time when we thought incest was "wrong." Healthy examples of this lifestyle abound: certain hill-tribes in Cambodia let siblings have sex, and the Indian Kukis are pretty much up for anything! And lets face it: Screwing your sibling guarantees a sex partner who knows you better than anyone. PLUS: NO PROM-NIGHT WORRIES ABOUT MEETING HER FATHER. WARNING! Does any of this information, so far, cause your brain to absolutely disconnect and move on to another task? Quick: eat a banana or something! MOVING ON: If you had to kill one of the following, which would it be: - your unborn baby - a puppy or kitten - a republican - your assistant - your Pilates instructor - your private jet pilot (who has signed a non-disclosure agreement not to divulge you have a private jet) do you think peace is a "process?" do you think war is evil, no matter what? do you think you'd have to be stupid to be in the military? Do you think white soldiers are rednecks? - and black soldiers are victims of limited opportunity brought on by a racist society? Do you like to tell people youâre a pacifist? -and that you'd never fight under any circumstance? -Mind if I stop by your house and take your plasma? (TV and blood platelets) Do you like conspiracies? Does reading about them make you feel smart? Does obvious truth make you uncomfortable? When a conspiracy is exposed as a lie, do you think that's part of THE conspiracy? Do you think people can read your thoughts? Are you receiving radio transmissions from your dental fillings? Are they telling you that you're Norman Mailer? Are they correct? Do you believe in âshadowâ governments? Can you do âshadowâ puppets? -Do you think conservatives are stiff, humorless and mean? -have you ever sat through a Tim Robbins play? -Do you hate authority? -until you need a cop? -do you try to have an opinion, even when you really have none? -do you think googling replaces thinking? Go and RTWT - I'm surprised he doesn't get Huffed off the blog - the Commenters were in a froth as well :-) |
| Posted by:Frank G |
| #1 Fantastic!!! |
| Posted by: 3dc 2005-09-08 21:21 |