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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Woman forgives turkey tosser
2005-08-16
A New York woman who was seriously injured when a young man tossed a turkey through her windshield helped spare her assailant a long prison term. Prosecutor Peter Mayer told a judge in Suffolk County, N.Y., that Victoria Ruvolo's compassion convinced him to seek a six-month sentence for Ryan Cushing, Newsday reported. He also said he believed that Cushing did not intend to harm anyone with his "egregious" act. Cushing was a passenger in his cousin's car when he threw the just-purchased turkey out the window. The carcass shattered Ruvolo's windshield. After the hearing, Cushing apologized to Ruvolo as he left the courtroom and the two hugged and cried. Outside, he said that he loved Ruvolo, describing her as "the best person there is."
I'm sure she's "the best person there is," but we'd probably all be better off if Mr. Turkey Tosser was behind bars for 10-20. He damaged her car, injured her, and could have killed her. The fact is, he's an idiot, and he's likely to do something equally stoopid when he's let out. This isn't Pakistan, where criminal cases seem to be resolved in civil proceedings. It's the U.S., where the docket reads "State vs. Turkey Tosser." That means the state, and not the kind-hearted Ms. Ruvolo, is the complaintant and in effect the injured party. A government of laws is in the long run more fair to more people than is a government of men, even though you're more likely to find leniency under the government of men.
Posted by:Fred

#20  You could have my Ex cook the turkey and a slap across the jaw with a drumstick would feel just like a Louisville Slugger...
Posted by: .com   2005-08-16 15:43  

#19  There's no way in hell I'd let some moron off like this! What'd he think was going to happen when he dropped that turkey with the intent of hitting her windshield? This was not negligence or any sort of accident--this was intentional!

I'd forgive the little bastard after he also went through 8 hours of facial reconstruction and spent several weeks with his jaw wired shut and eating through a tube. But first, let me demonstrate to him the effects of being hit in the face by a turkey with the help of this baseball bat...
Posted by: Dar   2005-08-16 15:38  

#18  She's nuts.
Posted by: Barbara Skolaut   2005-08-16 14:08  

#17  John, damn, beat me to it.
Posted by: Xbalanke   2005-08-16 12:25  

#16  WKRP.... Les Nessman's Thankgiving stunt. "Who knew turkeys couldn't fly?"
Posted by: john   2005-08-16 11:53  

#15  Jackal, didn't Jack pull the guy up at the last moment for the first few passing trucks?

(The fellow in question had thrown a cinder block from an overpass, killing Jack's mother. Jack caught the fellow doing it again.)
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-08-16 10:45  

#14  Or you could do as Repairman Jack did. Find the one who did it and hang him off the bridge so the truck trailers go splat. Fictional character, sure, but an appealing notion.
Posted by: Jackal   2005-08-16 10:42  

#13  Steve,

I guessed you backed up #5 with a personal story. This dangerous act hardly ever gets recorded.
Posted by: Poison Reverse   2005-08-16 10:37  

#12  "When you oulaw turkeys,
only outlaws will have turkeys!"
Posted by: BA   2005-08-16 10:36  

#11  Oh, sure, a car windshield would be toast. I've had little rocks you couldn't see coming bust mine bad enough I had to replace it.
Just remembered that when I was a teenager my Dad and I were hauling our boat back from the Cape after a weekend fishing trip. While we were passing under a bridge outside of Boston, we heard a loud bang. Pulled over to see what happened and found the windshield on the cabin of our boat had a big hole in it. Looked inside and found a big chunk of concrete that had gone through the window, smashed thru the cabin door and ended up denting the gas tank in the back of the boat. Saw a couple of kids on the bridge out of the corner of my eye just before we drove under. Cops showed up, but never found anyone. If they had dropped that rock a couple of seconds sooner, it would have gone thru our truck windshield and most likely killed one of us. Turkey boy here needs to do hard time as a lesson.
Posted by: Steve   2005-08-16 10:11  

#10  Steve, aircraft windshield is much stronger than a car windshield. I stand by my un-frozen turkey. I were a part of an involuntary experiment of a similar nature about 4 & 1/2 months ago, so I know my ... err, physics.
Posted by: Sobiesky   2005-08-16 09:45  

#9  Mr. Cushing explained:

"With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
Posted by: Jackal   2005-08-16 08:55  

#8  There was a 3 Mythbusters on this.
I saw all of them. The final result, after they got the test conditions correct, was that the thawed turkey splattered on the simulated aircraft windshield while the frozen turkey went thru it like a cannon ball.
Posted by: Steve   2005-08-16 08:28  

#7  IIRC, it didn't matter if the turkey was frozen solid or ready for Thanksgiving dinner, it still penetrated the glass...
Posted by: IG-88   2005-08-16 08:26  

#6  Mucky, the un-frozen turkey would probably have almost the same impact at the speed involved.

There was a Mythbusters on this. It took them three tries to get the chicken-cannon tests right. I can't remember what the results were, though.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-08-16 07:28  

#5  Tossing a turkey maybe rare but tossing other heavy objects is not. You will find that most pedestrian walkways across freeways are fully covered, especially in metropolitan cities.

Before they were covered, irresponsible kids or gang member initiation usually required that you toss heavy rocks at incoming (high speed) traffic. Usually, people die after impact.
Posted by: Poison Reverse   2005-08-16 07:00  

#4  Don't know if this happens elsewhere, but eagles feeding on roadkill kangaroos and cattle out in the Western Australian bush, end up going through peoples windscreens. I recall a graphic description from someone who found a car that run off the road and the eagle and driver were both dead, the driver having been clawed to death. I make a point of slowing right down when I see eagles on the road.

Welcome back Sobiesky.
Posted by: phil_b   2005-08-16 03:09  

#3  Mucky, the un-frozen turkey would probably have almost the same impact at the speed involved. That applies to a live turkey as well, it would probably have no time to flap wings more than once. You may need to ban turkeys altogether.
Posted by: Sobiesky   2005-08-16 02:38  

#2  ima call fore bannin frozen turkeys!

>:(
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-08-16 02:13  

#1  A google on Ruvolo+turkey is very instructive.

Story: Kids stole credit card, bought crap (including turkey), threw turkey out window into traffic, hit woman in face.

The Surgery That Put Her Back Together: For eight hours, doctors methodically worked as, piece by piece, they repaired woman’s smashed face

Turkey toss victim leaves hospital (Google cache): Her jaw still wired shut and a tracheotomy tube still in her throat...

I say, fry the bastards, in oil, with a turkey.
Posted by: Angie Schultz   2005-08-16 00:18  

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