You have commented 358 times on Rantburg.

Your Name
Your e-mail (optional)
Website (optional)
My Original Nic        Pic-a-Nic        Sorry. Comments have been closed on this article.
Bold Italic Underline Strike Bullet Blockquote Small Big Link Squish Foto Photo
-Short Attention Span Theater-
Runaway Bride Mows Lawn
2005-08-10
Okay. It's August. The news is supposed to be slow in August. But isn't that headline going overboard with the idea?
Instead of cutting out of town, runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks is cutting lawns.
"Maudette! Come quick! The Runaway Bride® is cutting the Wilsons' grass!"
"Yes, Herb."
Wearing an orange community service vest and a baseball cap with the slogan "Life is good," Wilbanks did part of her court-ordered community service Tuesday for lying to police after she ran off days before her wedding.
Wow! That's amazing! She's actually doing it in public?
"I'm doing well. ... I'm getting there," a sweating Wilbanks told a throng of reporters and photographers after her mower died out in the tall, wet grass.
"Maudette! Lookit dat! She's sweating!"
"Horses sweat, Herb. Gents perspire. She's glowing."
"I need to get back to work. I don't want to get into trouble." But her mower kept sputtering out, prompting her to repeatedly yank on the pull cord to get it started again. After the eighth time, she let out a huge sigh.
"[Sigh!] I'd run away if I wasn't wearing this vest!"
In all, Wilbanks was ordered to do 120 hours of service, and she has already completed 24 by scrubbing toilets in probation offices, picking up trash and washing public vehicles...
"Maudette! She washes cars, too!"
"Yes, Herb. Should I start the Studebaker?"
Wilbanks pleaded no contest in June to telling police her phony story. She also was sentenced to two years of probation and ordered to pay $2,550 in restitution to the sheriff's office that helped with the search. The nearby city of Duluth, where Wilbanks had lived with her fiance, spent nearly $43,000 to search for her; Wilbanks has repaid $13,249.
snip part deux. Keep cutting those lawns, crook. I hope word gets out that you're cleaning the probation office toilets too, so somebody can get in there and dump a mean one right on the floor.
Posted by:Chris W.

#16  I clap my Palps with glee! She remembers nothing!
Posted by: Sub Commander Megar   2005-08-10 18:32  

#15  BH, with the insinuation that the "crime" started in Georgia (the abduction, at least....), her fiance did the normal thing and made a police report.

The difference is, he was acting on good faith, and she knowingly lied. She couldn't possibly be that damn dumb to think that someone who cared about her wouldn't make a police report in that situation. I know I would if someone I loved said they had been raped, kidnapped, and dragged across the country.

Also, you forget that for a while the authorities believed he killed her and were treating him as a suspect. Most normal people don't go off on a run and not come back unless there's some foul play. She didn't just wake up one day and get her happy ass on a bus. She deliberately made it look like something bad happened to her.

He filed that report, assuming that the woman he loved was telling the truth, in Georgia. New Mexico could have chosen to charge her but didn't. That doesn't mean they couldn't have....maybe they were just sick of her crap by then and wanted her out of there.

If she had just been honest and said she didn't want to go through with it, guess what? NOTHING would have happened. She's over 18 and can do what she wants to. Even if her fiance wanted to make a report, there would have been nothing anyone could do absent evidence of a crime.

I still think that dumb broad got off easy....and that she's guilty as hell.


Posted by: Desert Blondie   2005-08-10 16:25  

#14  She called her fiance

No, she didn't - at least, not in her own state. She did give the NM police a fraudulent report, and they chose not to charge her.
Posted by: BH   2005-08-10 15:35  

#13  What she did was to leave home without telling anybody.

No, she lied to the cops, BH:
She called her fiance, John Mason, from Albuquerque, N.M., early in the morning of her planned wedding day, claiming to have been abducted and sexually assaulted. She soon recanted her story, saying she fled because of personal issues.
Posted by: Steve   2005-08-10 15:19  

#12  Desert Blondie:

She wasted a lot of other taxpayers' money because she couldn't do the honorable thing. Don't forget that.

Actually, if you want to get technical, the person who called the police on her is the one who wasted the taxpayers' money. What she did was to leave home without telling anybody. It's a selfish thing to do, but do you really want them to pass a law saying you MUST inform somebody of your whereabouts at all times? No thanks, comrade.

She did a stupid thing. People do them all the time. People fall asleep with a cigarette and set apartment complexes on fire, but we don't hand them the fire department's bill. The gov't takes money out of our pockets to provide certain services, and I expect them to provide them. And it is not your prerogative as a taxpayer to cherry-pick the cases which you consider to be worthy. Either provide the service and accept the occasional false alarm, or don't provide the service at all. But I'm sick of seeing this women pilloried on a national level because she happens to be an moron.
Posted by: BH   2005-08-10 13:30  

#11  "Runaway Bride Mows Lawn"

Yea, but is she wearing eye protection?
Posted by: Poison Reverse   2005-08-10 12:13  

#10  Marry that guy or else is a heck of a choice. Even if she was dead set against it, they would probably only give her the other option of never marrying anyone.

You been reading too many Southern Gothic novels, Moose. Marry him "or else", what? They'll cut off her charge accounts? She won't get Grandma's silver? They'll send five of her cousins 'round to gang rape her? It ain't the NWFP, you know.
Posted by: The Low Countries   2005-08-10 11:48  

#9  So, Frank, um, you wanna help Chuck with the spanking thingy? She exhibits at least some signs of a masochistic personality...
Posted by: .com   2005-08-10 11:44  

#8  oops - that were me
Posted by: Frank G   2005-08-10 11:32  

#7  with that rack, she should be washing cars a la Coolhand Luke
Posted by: Kim Jong Il   2005-08-10 11:31  

#6  I don't know, anonymoose. I live right next to Duluth, and, in fact, many in this area are NOT Southerners. Even so, many Southern women these days fight against that stereotype. Finally, it was HER decision...she could've chosen to NOT marry. I think the point is being lost here, though. Must be a VERY slow news day if this is being posted at Fox News!
Posted by: BA   2005-08-10 10:59  

#5  This being the South, I noted that it was often mentioned that both she and her fiance had come from "prominent families" in the area. To me, this means that she was being forced into a marriage with this guy, who most agree looks rather 'oafen', and had zero choice in the matter. Marry that guy or else is a heck of a choice. Even if she was dead set against it, they would probably only give her the other option of never marrying anyone. Going from a "belle of the ball" debutante at the head of her social circle, to "chattal", overnight, would have to suck.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2005-08-10 10:53  

#4  I think she should be spanked.
Posted by: Chuck Simmins   2005-08-10 10:52  

#3  BH - She wasted a lot of other taxpayers' money because she couldn't do the honorable thing. Don't forget that.

If she would have been honest, the cops could have "done their f*cking jobs" instead of wasting time on an idiot like her.

Posted by: Desert Blondie   2005-08-10 10:27  

#2  The nearby city of Duluth, where Wilbanks had lived with her fiance, spent nearly $43,000 to search for her; Wilbanks has repaid $13,249.

She already paid it - it's called taxes. If the gov't is going to start billing us when we make them do their f*cking jobs, than what are we paying taxes for?
Posted by: BH   2005-08-10 09:44  

#1  Hope they kept the keys to the John Deere.
Posted by: Chuck Simmins   2005-08-10 09:30  

00:00