"With all the violence and bombings that today's world has suffered, and with all the terrorism and destruction which have robbed the world of sleep, which are considered by all intelligent and honorable people as criminal, which are prohibited by all esteemed Muslim scholars, and whose negative effects afflict the Islamic nation – one of the most dangerous wars to afflict the Islamic nation and to cause atrophy and decadence to nations and civilizations is the war against virtue and to promote vice.

Uh oh. He's gonna rant against titties...

"The noble Islamic law deals with all issues. One of the most important issues is protecting women's honor – indeed, defending families, and protecting societies and generations from the flames of vice, from the removal of the veil, from the volcanoes of debauchery, from the storms of evil, from the armies of harlotry, from the voracity of pleasure, and from bestial libertinism.

"Aaaaar! Volcanoes of debauchery! Armies of harlots, with their large, milk-white bosoms! With plump, succulent, creamy thighs and rounded buttocks! With rounded, voracious mons veneris, ready to gobble up... gobble up... Oh, Allah! I must... I must... Shoot off!... My gun. I meant my gun..."

"The most dangerous weapon which the enemy has raised against us – with which he tore to pieces our established order, and with which he soiled our spiritual and social purity,

... with which he stained the sheets of the Ummah...

is the terrible deluge of all manner of vice, which is considered a form of moral terrorism against the values, ideals, and virtues of the Islamic nation.

"Yes! Terrorism, brethren and sistren! I, for one, am so very frightened! Why, my very bed quakes at night with my terror! Sometimes the neighbors complain about it, and once they called the cops, but that was all a misunderstanding, easily explained, really..."

"[This war is waged] by means of the licentious satellite channels and the vile spiderwebs of the Internet, whose gloom fills the sky with darkness and spreads its stench in all directions, and by means of those hidden computer discs, which are the cauldron of sin, consumed by the old, young, and inexperienced, while fathers, mothers, and educators are heedless and negligent.

"I'm talkin' about porn sites, brethren and sistern! With wimmin! Nekkid wimmin! With honkers and thighs and buttocks and... and... and their ankles behind their ears! Yes! I've seen them with my own... ummm... or so I've been told."

"Oh brethren in faith, morning has dawned upon all with eyes to see, without ambiguity or falsehood. It has become clear that the enemies of virtue, the marshals of licentiousness, and the heroes of sexual promiscuous pleasures have a most ill-fated hope and aspiration to export sexual diseases and vice in the form of a plague, which shall crush the fortresses of the Muslims, the fortresses of honor and virtue, and they hope that [Muslims] will abandon the castles of chastity, honor, and virtue, which have been effaced by time, and have become a matter of the past.

"They want us to get out there and fondle each other! To kiss and to hug and to take our burnooses off and... and... Hey! Where'd everybody go?"

"Oh, Allah, heal our sick, have mercy on our dead, release our prisoners, and save our Al-Aqsa Mosque. Oh Allah, liberate our Al-Aqsa Mosque from the defilement of the occupying and brutal Zionists. Oh Allah, make it high and mighty until Judgment Day. Oh Allah, punish the occupying Zionists and their supporters from among the corrupt infidels. Oh Allah, scatter and disperse them, and make an example of them for those who take heed."

Oh, Allah, make him shuddup.