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-Short Attention Span Theater-
'Human-brained' monkeys
2005-07-13
Already too much monkey-brained humans, why add some more relatives? Check also the "In the other side" bit at the bottom of the page...
SCIENTISTS have been warned that their latest experiments may accidently produce monkeys with brains more human than animal.

In cutting-edge experiments, scientists have injected human brain cells into monkey fetuses to study the effects. Critics argue that if these fetuses are allowed to develop into self-aware subjects, science will be thrown into an ethical nightmare. An eminent committee of American scientists will call for restrictions into the research, saying the outcome of such studies cannot be predicted and may in fact produce subjects with a 'super-animal' intelligence.
The high-powered committee of animal behaviourists, lawyers, philosophers, bio-ethicists and neuro-scientists was established four years ago to examine the growing numbers of human/monkey experiments.
These procedures, known as 'human-primate chimeras', involve the combination of human and monkey cells, tissue and DNA to observe any effect and examine the possibility that such combination could actually exist. Chimeras are mythical monsters from Greek literature, which combined various bodyparts from lions, goats nd snakes.
This team will soon publish its conclusions in leading journal Science. In the report the committee will address such unsettling questions as whether introducing human cells into non-human primate brains could cause "significant physical or biochemical changes that make the brain more human-like" and how those changes could be detected.
Fred: I swear I saw that face in Thugburg ...
Posted by:anonymous5089

#19  I want one. No: ten. With tiny assault weapons.
Posted by: Secret Master   2005-07-13 20:03  

#18  Oooohhhhh.... good one, Laurence!
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-07-13 18:52  

#17  It's no big deal until the monkey liberation movement starts.

Yeah, last time they got going zombies overran England.
Posted by: Laurence of the Rats   2005-07-13 17:55  

#16  If the GOP ran him in 2008, he'd still beat any Democrat.

What would the dems compare him with then? The chimp referance would be, well, even more stupid than it is now.
Posted by: mmurray821   2005-07-13 14:44  

#15  Why must you people insist upon besmirching the honour of my species by applying the muzzie tag?!?
Posted by: GhostofBonzo   2005-07-13 14:20  

#14  The assistant got the "abbe normal" brain, and has been rewriting the Koran
Posted by: Jan   2005-07-13 12:33  

#13  This is just another ploy by MTV to increase viewership.
Posted by: Super Hose   2005-07-13 12:22  

#12  How'd you get a picture of my State Rep?
Posted by: tu3031   2005-07-13 11:54  

#11  All this has already been tried and tried again and every time it fails, look at what happened to the one that escaped...how was it called ? Oh yes, Howard Dean.
No way to go here.
Posted by: Poitiers-Lepanto   2005-07-13 11:48  

#10  And everyone who is despairing about Chinas labor advantage; WRONG WRONG Wrong again.
Posted by: Ebbeath Gleart2775   2005-07-13 11:30  

#9  If the GOP ran him in 2008, he'd still beat any Democrat.
Posted by: Jackal   2005-07-13 10:59  

#8  RC - LOL! You call that a prior reference! Ha! Ya just can't take it, c'mon admit it, you got scooped, lol!
Posted by: .com   2005-07-13 10:23  

#7  BrerRabbit and .com can pat themselves on the back all they want, but I beat them with the Planet of the Apes reference by a whole 19 minutes. Plus mine was to Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-07-13 10:16  

#6  Maybe the libs are on to something when they talk about SmirkyMcChimpHitler....
Posted by: Chris W.   2005-07-13 10:03  

#5  Lol, Brer... Great Minds, Bro... Lol!
Posted by: .com   2005-07-13 09:59  

#4  I'm thinking quagmire. Imagine the fallout in Moonbat cirles... The support and counseling programs they'll have to start, the hyper-funded studies, the debate over simian rights... Will they allow the Death Penalty for stealing bananas?

Yep. Quagmire. Or else Charleton Heston will make a comeback.
Posted by: .com   2005-07-13 09:59  

#3  This is exactly how The Planet of the Apes story began. A perfect example of science imitating art.
Posted by: BrerRabbit   2005-07-13 09:58  

#2  It's no big deal until the monkey liberation movement starts.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-07-13 09:39  

#1  My god! They've cloned a muslim!
Posted by: l;gkdfsjgl;df-01   2005-07-13 09:34  

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