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Afghanistan/South Asia
Nuggets from the Urdu Press
2005-06-11
Kashmiris want LoC as border?
According to Khabrain, 54 per cent of the Kashmiris of Held Kashmir wanted the LoC to become a permanent border while 74 per cent Indians also wanted it. Only 3 per cent Kashmiris in Held Kashmir wanted Kashmir to be a part of Pakistan, while 43 per cent of them thought of Musharraf as their favourite personality.

Qazi names his grandson Osama
According to Khabrain, Qazi Hussain Ahmad, leader of the MMA and the Jamaat-e-Islami, has named his newly born grandson Qazi Osama Hussain. The boy is from his son Dr Anas Hussain. The significance of the name was not lost on the paper, which referred to its international significance.

Churail kills children
According to Khabrain, farmer Munawwar Cheema of a village near Daska was being pursued relentlessly by jinns and churails (female jinn). At one point, his three buffaloes were found dead. Then his three sons disappeared but their dead bodies were found later in nearby fields. He hung ayaat of the Holy Quran in his rooms where the dowry of his three daughters lay in steel trunks. The dowry was completely burned while the Quranic verse remained untouched.

Jinn burns girls
Reported in the Nawa-e-Waqt, a girl in the house of one Ehsan of Gojra was suddenly burnt to a cinder. The man stated that jinns had set her afire. Hardly five hours later, while he was looking after the dead body, his daughter too was severely burnt by the said mischievous jinn.

People kill blasphemer in Cherat
According to Jang, people got together to kill one Ashiq Nabi (in translation, 'lover of the Prophet' PBUH) in Cherat, NWFP, after they thought that he had shown disrespect to the Quran and insulted the Holy Prophet PBUH. They fired at him with dozens of guns till he was dead. After that the ulema gave a fatwa that he should not be buried in a Muslim graveyard. His brother handed him over to the sanitation department, which buried him without last rites.

Nek Muhammad was Indian agent
Writing in Khabrain, Munir Ahmad Baloch stated that the rebel of Wana Nek Muhammad was an agent of RAW which had seduced him by supplying him with a wife. Nek Muhammad was tricked into attacking the Pakistan army. Later, the Wazirs became aware of Nek Muhammad's Indian links and he was abandoned.

Qadianis made to apologise
Reported in Khabrain, one Abbas Qadiani of Naukot challenged Ataullah Pathan to a munazira (debate) on prophethood and a date was set. Pathan notified clerics of Khatm-e-Nabuwwat and gathered great scholars of Islam, including six of the most fiery ones, from the surrounding areas. The police was also notified for security arrangements, but on the appointed day, the Qadianis did not come for the debate. After the fiery clerics decided to go to the Qadiani village, the police intervened and got the Qadianis to apologise for challenging the Muslims to munazira.

Na'at on film tunes not valid
According to the daily Pakistan, any praise (na'at) of the Holy Prophet PBUH sung to the tune of a film song was not valid and brought no blessings on the singer or those who hear it. Also, it was un-Islamic to shower banknotes on the singer of a na'at during recitation because it looked very mercenary. This was unfortunately the practice. Giving the incentive (lalach) of umra for commercial enterprises was also not right.

Kill Christians when you see them!
Column Sarerahe wrote in the Nawa-e-Waqt that while Islam was a religion of great flexibility, it had also the divine sanction of killing Christians, Hindus and Jews 'wherever you see them.' He said that these days, the flexibility shown by the rulers was not Islamic. It is because of this flexibility that Afghanistan and Iraq have been 'reformed' and Iran was the next target.
Honest, I can't decide whether to go with the cheap Howard Dean joke here or the geezer whinge "In my day, we knew how to kill Christians right. Not like the slacker 'mujaheddin' we're stuck with now, all makin' videos 'n' stylin' on they interweb. No sirree. We seen a infidel, we killed him just as quick as a wink. Smelled the blasphemy just oozing out of his pores, we did. 'To shaytan with dialog,' we would say, and our imam would back us up all the way to the bigs in Najaf and Makkah. Now they've gone all soft, fighting for face time on Al-Jazeerah. Feh."

Ghazi Ilam Din Zinda Bad!
According to the Nawa-e-Waqt, in a meeting of the Majlis-e-Karkunan-e-Pakistan, PPPP leader Chaudhry Aitzaz Ahsan said that in Nowshehra, a man was accused of insulting the Holy Prophet PBUH and before any investigation into the allegation could be held, the man was killed as a blasphemer. He complained that this indicated that society was becoming debased. At this, the audience became angry and accused Mr Ahsan of being guilty of enlightenment (roshan khayali). The audience also raised the slogan of Ghazi Ilam Din Zinda Bad. Ilam Din was a Muslim who had killed a Hindu in vigilante action.

Blaspheming priest of Sweden
According to the Nawa-e-Waqt, the Muslims of Sweden were greatly upset with a Christian priest who had said insulting things about the Holy Prophet PBUH and his wife Hazrat Ayesha. Thought first that the statement was a misprint, but then a spokesman of the priest confirmed it, after which more than 400 Muslims — including women and children — protested in the streets of Stockholm. The Muslim ulema made appeals to Muslims not to take the law into their own hands.
"Wusses. Back in my day..."

Samiul Haq's unwise fulminations
Writing in the daily Pakistan, Tanvir Qaiser Shahid stated that the European parliament had insulted Pakistan by arresting senator Maulana Samiul Haq, but the Foreign Office in Islamabad should have anticipated the reaction in Europe against Taliban-related terrorism. Samiul Haq had always bragged about his connections with Mullah Umar and no one was ignorant about the fact that his seminary had trained many Taliban commanders and followers. He himself had fulminated against the West, which had attacked and defeated the Taliban in Afghanistan in 2001. Samiul Haq himself and his son Haamidul Haq had won support in the MMA. Samiul Haq was not far behind those MMA leaders who had made it their policy plank to condemn and curse the West.

Sura Rehman cures all ills
According to the daily Pakistan, one Ishrat Aliya declared that the recitation of Sura Rehman by the famous Qari Basit would cure any disease, including hepatitis which afflicts 40 crore people in the world. She said that she had cured thousands of people with Sura Rehman. She said astronaut Neil Armstrong listened to Sura Rehman and embraced Islam.


Opposition leader's chair
The daily Nawa-e-Waqt quoted PMLN leader Makhdoom Javed Hashmi as saying that he was not happy with prime minister Nawaz Sharif's one-sided campaign of vilifying and victimising Ms Bhutto. In the National Assembly, the leader of opposition routinely sat next to the prime minister but under Nawaz Sharif, the chair of Ms Bhutto was thrown in one corner by Ch Nisar Ali Khan. He went up to Ch Nisar Ali Khan and asked him to restore the chair to its normal place. Ch Nisar Ali Khan was taken aback at his attitude.

Burnt during 'chilla'
According to the Nawa-e-Waqt, a 60-year old man in Sattu Katla near Lahore was mysteriously burnt to death while performing the mystical act of chilla in a graveyard. The heat produced by the chilla burnt him to death.

Pakistan versus 'Roshan Khayali'
Speaking to the daily Pakistan, Prof Mehdi Hassan said that despite all claims of enlightened moderation and roshan khayali the government was still travelling on the road of darkness. He said that in Sargodha, the police and the clergy were together on the roads flailing their sticks at the mixed marathon runners. He said it all began when Jinnah's 11 August address was censored by the secretary general of Pakistan, Chaudhry Muhammad Ali because the address was enlightened.
Posted by:Fred

#13  OOOoooo! That would mean like ummmmm.... There is a name I just can't recall... Maybe Cat Stevens or was he a re-convert? He was pretty advanced. I need some help here... sure would be a great game show question.
Posted by: Shomble Shoger7533   2005-06-11 19:41  

#12  She's saying that the Muslims have astronauts and the most advanced people all convert.
Posted by: too true   2005-06-11 19:29  

#11  Neil Armstrong walked on the face of the Moon God popularly known by it's 99th Persian Gulf pagan name of Allah? isn't that like desecration of the face of the Moon God aka Allah? Who will be the first bacon-stained bearded one to proclaim a fatwa against defiling the face of the Moon God Allah?
Posted by: Shomble Shoger7533   2005-06-11 19:13  

#10  She said astronaut Neil Armstrong listened to Sura Rehman and embraced Islam.

Bet that moves the moon way, WAY up on the "Most Holy Places in Islam" list.
Posted by: tu3031   2005-06-11 18:02  

#9  The audience..accused Mr Ahsan of being guilty of enlightenment

I suspect there was a gap in translation somewhere along the way, and they were accusing him of Sufi religious practices.
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2005-06-11 15:07  

#8  She said astronaut Neil Armstrong listened to Sura Rehman and embraced Islam.

Was that before or after the moon landings??
Posted by: Rafael   2005-06-11 13:03  

#7  ...while 43 per cent of them thought of Musharraf as their favourite personality

Up next on Kashmir Idol!

Posted by: Jackal   2005-06-11 10:39  

#6  Mucky-
*smacks forehead*Of course - I don't know what I was thinking, a thousand pardons.

Mike
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski   2005-06-11 08:01  

#5  And here I thought I made some good "chila".
Posted by: raptor   2005-06-11 07:53  

#4  The audience..accused Mr Ahsan of being guilty of enlightenment

Enlightenment? Whoa, dudes, none of that, please! A little Enlightenment and next thing you know, you've got some kind of Reformation going on. Or worse, Buddhism!

Jeez, if it wasn't for their propensity for murder and blowing stuff up, the muslim world would be a never-ending source of comic buffoonery.
Posted by: SteveS   2005-06-11 01:53  

#3  it wuz a gurl mike. dont taker theengs so seeriusly.
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-06-11 01:28  

#2  ...Maybe its just me, but I don't always associate the concept of a girl burning to a cinder with the words, 'mischevious djinn'...

Mike
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski   2005-06-11 01:22  

#1  goddam jinns! picker on sumones yore own size!

ima hate wen their do that.

>:(
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-06-11 00:23  

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