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Afghanistan/South Asia
Prophet's curly-toed slippers stolen
2005-06-01
LAHORE: Senior police and provincial administrative officers were probably involved in the theft of the 'holy slippers', believed to have belonged to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), according to a report of a joint investigation team (JIT) forwarded to the higher authorities a week ago. The Punjab government has recently announced a reward of two million rupees for information leading to the recovery of the holy slippers, which were stolen from the Badshahi mosque's archives gallery on July 31, 2002.
"They're just now getting around to it? Those're holy relics, man! No wonder the infidels have been doing so well! Whoever's got them can make powerful ju-ju!"
Security sources said that the JIT, consisting of senior investigators of the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA), city police and Intelligence Bureau (IB), had investigated the case with help from Javed Awan, former Punjab auqaf secretary. They said the bungling of the initial police investigation made the JIT investigators to conclude that senior police and administrative officers were involved in the theft.
"Ahah! An inside job! Chief! Line up your men! I want to examine their shoes!"
They said that another investigation team of the Chief Minister's Inspection Team (CMIT), headed by Khawaja Tariq, also inquired into the matter and forwarded a report to the chief minister two weeks ago. The sources claimed that the CMIT and JIT investigations had not found any clues to the whereabouts of the holy relics because city police had bungled the initial investigation at the time of the incident. They said that the city police's investigation team reached the mosque late on July 31, 2002. The police found the glass rack containing the relics shattered in places and cut with a diamond-tipped pen.
"Hmmm... Professionals, huh? Mahmoud, round up all the professional curly-toed slipper thieves in the city!"
"Inspector, why'd they shatter the glass rack into pieces if they had a diamond-tipped pen?"
The city police found an assistant sub-inspector (ASI) of the Punjab police, who regularly visited the gallery, and a family of four, including an old man and three women who were wearing burqas at the scene of the crime. The fingerprints taken from the glass were damaged. Sources said that the five people informed the gallery caretakers about the theft. Police took them into custody but released them an hour later. They recorded their statements but, apart from the ASI, did not take down their addresses, they said.
Posted by:Fred

#15  Well, Secret Master, they're sort-of nethack references. Find out more at http://nethack.org.
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2005-06-01 19:09  

#14  Feets, don't fail me now!
Posted by: Xbalanke   2005-06-01 14:37  

#13  Nice D&D references guys.
Posted by: Secret Master   2005-06-01 13:15  

#12  wasnt it said that in medieval europe there were so many fragments of the "true cross" that it must have been made from an entire forest? And relics of saints from one place were regularly "found" thousands of miles away?
Posted by: liberalhawk   2005-06-01 11:22  

#11  RC, don't forget that the Wahabis are the ultra-austere group (even tried to destroy Muhammad's tomb because it was a kind of shrine). Traditional Pakistani Muhammadanism seems to have lots of saints, relics, shrines, etc. Except where the Wahabis get involved...
Posted by: James   2005-06-01 11:19  

#10  It's like this. I ran out of toilet paper...
Posted by: BillH   2005-06-01 09:13  

#9  I've found it's best to stay away from the rubber chickens, especially if you're within a couple hundred miles of boots of fumbling... the authorities tend to not like it very much if people get stoned these days, y'know?
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2005-06-01 08:35  

#8  It's not funny -- these were the third holiest slippers of Islam and were only slightly worn.
Posted by: Tom   2005-06-01 08:18  

#7  Maxed out your Platinum Yendorian Express Card again, Phil? Are there any 'c' corpses around?
Posted by: Eric Jablow   2005-06-01 08:15  

#6  More idolatry from those who claim to be the ultimate in eschewing idols.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-06-01 08:11  

#5  Boots of Striding +2
No you can't have tham back a female elf has them now.
Posted by: Sock Puppet 0’ Doom   2005-06-01 02:24  

#4  Check the toilets chief.
Posted by: ed   2005-06-01 01:13  

#3  Mark Twain was a seasoned traveler who learned to be skeptical of the many, many wonders of the world, many of which were not wonderful at all. For example, Twain said, "In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, 'one when he was a young boy and one when he was a man.'"

And, I'd wager, there you have it.
Posted by: .com   2005-06-01 01:05  

#2  "You'll never see you slippers again! Never, my pretty! BWAHAHAhahahaha!"
Posted by: mojo   2005-06-01 00:42  

#1  AFAIK Mohammed never went to Pakistan... and why his relics would wind up there is beyond me.

SO... it makes me wonder what these slippers really are, if they aren't the prophet's slippers, what are they, really?

Blessed Erodeproof +1 Boots of Speed?

Jumping boots?

Cursed rusted -1 Boots of Fumbling?

Well, in that case, at least the thief's in Lahore, which should have a lot of holy men available to bless them so he can take them off. Unless, of course, he trips and falls and hits his head before he can get there. Meanwhile, the Kops are in hot pursuit, and armed with pies.

I just realized: he's going to need to find an aligned priest and/or altar. Lahore probably isn't the best town in the world to try to convert a non-co-aligned altar.
Posted by: Phil Fraering   2005-06-01 00:15  

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