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Iraq-Jordan
al-Qaeda in Iraq Denounces Claims that Zarqawi is Deceased
2005-05-27
Today, May 26, 2005, the Information Section of al-Qaeda in Iraq, through "its own special media channel (broadcasting) which is known to Muslims by the name Abu Maysara al-Iraqi," denies all claims, analyses, and statements that "were embraced by others, whether falsely delivered or concluded" about the recent report of injuries to al-Qaeda in Iraq leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

The message, which follows media reports that Zarqawi had died and appointed Abu Hafs al-Qarni as the acting leader, refutes all such news "about appointing he who is named "Abu Hafs," or any other name. Abu Maysara al-Iraqi states that the al-Qaeda's Information Section "only announced the injuries of our honorable Sheikh, in order to prove our credibility and for our brothers to be rest assured after what was disseminated that our Sheikh was killed."
"He's dead, Jim!"
"Lies! All lies! He ain't dead!"
"He's all blue, and his tongue's hanging out!"
"He does that all the time!"
Posted by:Fred

#11  Bravo! Bravo! Ogeretla! A tour de Tour!

Been working on it long? :>
Posted by: Shipman   2005-05-27 18:56  

#10  **sustained applause**
Posted by: Pappy   2005-05-27 18:34  

#9  Since No one's posted it yet:

CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
MORTICIAN: He isn't.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
MORTICIAN: I can't take him...
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...
MORTICIAN: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy. [whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday
Posted by: badanov   2005-05-27 18:20  

#8  *wow*
Posted by: Frank G   2005-05-27 17:21  

#7  Sung to "Pore Jud is Daid" from "Oklahoma!"

Pore Zaq is daid,
Zaqawi is daid,
All gather 'round his corpse now and cry
He had a jihadi soul
And he wasn't very old
Oh why did such a feller have to die?

Pore Zaq is daid
Zaqawi is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene

(And serene!)

The virgins got him now
Pouring wine and peeling grapes
His fingernails have never been so clean!

(Spoken)
Then the Imam'd get up and he'd say:

(Chanting)
Folks, we are gathered here to moan and groan over our brother Zaqawi, Who dun got shot by a UAV in Southwest Falluja

(Spoken)
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'... from some of those insurgents . Then he'd say:

(Chanting)
Jud was the most misunderstood man in this here territory. People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called him a beheading son of a gun

(Sung)
But the folks that really knowed him.

(Chant)
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore

(Sung)
He was really a beheading son of a gun


beheading son of a gun

Zaki hated all infidels

Zaki hated all infidels

(Spoken):
He loved the shiny long knives and the new AK47s. He loved the mice and the vermin in the Suinni triangle, and he treated
the rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little goats. He loved everybody and in Iraq who bowed low to him!
Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.

(Sung)
Pore Zaq is Daid
Zaqawi is daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around

Miles Around!

The daisies in the dell
will give out a different smell
Because Pore Zaq is underneath the ground.

Pore Zaq is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood

Wood...

And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their Zaqi’s gone for good

Good..

Pore Zaq is Daid a candle lights his haid!

He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.

Pore Zaq, Pore Zaq



Posted by: Ogeretla 2005   2005-05-27 17:10  

#6  raze his family home in Jordan and wipe out his gene line - whoops! actually said what I thought....damn....Freudian Slip™
Posted by: Frank G   2005-05-27 16:41  

#5  "It's just a flesh wound!"
Posted by: Raj   2005-05-27 16:23  

#4  Muslim Kenny
Posted by: plainslow   2005-05-27 15:52  

#3  " 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Zarqawi is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-ZARQAWI!! "

Well, someone had to bring out the Monty Python reference! And don't tell me others weren't tempted...
Posted by: Sgt. Mom   2005-05-27 15:51  

#2  He's dead or not doing good at all!
Posted by: Whese Flomolet8735   2005-05-27 15:39  

#1  HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!
Posted by: Whese Flomolet8735   2005-05-27 15:37  

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