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Africa: Subsaharan
Zimbabwe - How do we work this thing? Please help us.
2005-05-23
White farmers evicted by Robert Mugabe's government have reacted with contempt to an offer that they should return to Zimbabwe to take part in "joint ventures" with those who brutalised them and stole their land.
You steal our land, kill us, evict us and now you want our help? GFYS!
Gideon Gono, the governor of the country's central bank, suggested the idea last Thursday as a possible solution to Zimbabwe's economic crisis.
It is the only glimmer of a decent idea this shmuck has had......ever
The prospect of a return for white farmers was dangled by Mr Gono, Mr Mugabe's leading economic policy maker, in a rambling three-hour statement in which he also announced a 31 per cent devaluation of the Zimbabwean dollar. He said: "In order to ensure maximum productivity levels, there is great scope in the country promoting and supporting joint ventures between the new farmers with progressive-minded former operators as well as other new investors, so as to hasten the skills transfer cycle."
Translation: "We don't know what the heck we are doing and the farms are failing. Please come save our asses from starvation and teach the new black farmers to farm so we can kick you out again.
During the evictions, some white farmers were murdered and many others were beaten and their families abused. The evictions prompted the collapse of the agriculture sector, the traditional engine of the economy.
That is a good case of biting the hand that feeds you.
Those who took over the farms had no specialist knowledge - and most farmland now lies uncultivated. The machinery has been stolen, buildings have been plundered and the former workers are starving... "Until then, no one's going to invest here or come back. Who on earth is going to do anything in agriculture when there is such dispute over land ownership? They'd be mad."
As mad as your leader too
Rest at link
Posted by:mmurray821

#13  Bob's so f*cking incompetent he could probably make kudzu wither and die.
Posted by: BH   2005-05-23 23:50  

#12  Actually, kudzu roots are quite edible and the flowers make a very nice tea.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2005-05-23 21:08  

#11  Maybe they should offer to provide Zimbabwe with nutritious kudzu seed for their crops.
Posted by: Anonymoose   2005-05-23 20:31  

#10  Call Kimmie for today's agriculture tip!
He also an whip up a mean stone and tree bark soup.
Posted by: USN, ret.   2005-05-23 14:48  

#9  The People's Revolution...coming soon to an oil producing South American nation near you...
Posted by: mjh   2005-05-23 14:32  

#8  The Coalition Of White Property Investment Egalitarians (COWPIE) replied to Governor Gonzo's proposal with the following list of requirements:

1. Convert Mssr. Mugabe into futilizer. Sure nothing will grow with it, but it's a good start, none-the-less.
2. Repeat step one, only more.
Posted by: Hyper   2005-05-23 13:22  

#7  Bob's uniform would even make the gaudiest mexican general envious. What he get the star for, perfect attendance?
Posted by: Slulet Glater4736 aka Jarhead   2005-05-23 13:19  

#6  The human race only cultivates and eats about 3% of the edible plants in the whole world. Thestuff we don't eat might not taste good to us but it will keep us alive. Over the millenia we have adjusted our tastes to like only those we do consume. A lot of the stuff we don't eat has more of the stuff that's good for us than the stuff we do eat.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2005-05-23 13:07  

#5  I am bummed. I was sure the Whitey "Sweating Off the Pounds Doing Farmwork" Tourism thing was a sure fire winner.
Posted by: Bob Mugabe   2005-05-23 12:30  

#4  10,000 years of human agricultural development squandered.

Agriculture's just not sustainable.
Posted by: Rev. Dr. Al Chappeau   2005-05-23 12:05  

#3  Things are just returning to their original pre-colonial state. Sort of a "back to nature" movement. Very green, just not very edible. Eventually the population will return to that pre-colonial subsistence level. 10,000 years of human agricultural development squandered. Nice suit and medals though.
Posted by: Tom   2005-05-23 11:17  

#2  Ah... another triumph for International Socialism to point to-- Power To The People!!!
Posted by: Dave D.   2005-05-23 11:09  

#1  Yo, whitey. Yeah, man. C'mon back, man. I needs someone to do my plantin. On my farm. C'mon, man. Help out a war veteran, man...
Posted by: Farmin B. Hard   2005-05-23 10:58  

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