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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Females flown in to p-p-p-pick up 'gay' penguins
2005-02-15
They are called Charley, Left-Arrow, Diagonal-Line and Six-Point. The four female penguins at Bremerhaven Zoo in Germany are at the centre of debate after being brought in to tempt "gay" male penguins. The zoo imported the penguins from Sweden last month after finding through DNA tests that three of their five existing pairs were all male. The zoo had been mystified why its endangered Humboldt penguins had failed to breed, until they realised the males had paired off, the zoo's director Heike KÃŒck said.
"Oh, so that's why!"
Last year, two of the male pairs spent months sitting on a stone instead of an egg.
"Charles, I don't think this damned thing will ever hatch, I really don't."
"Are you sure you laid an egg, Thomas?"
But the zoo's decision to introduce females has sparked a furious response from gay and lesbian groups in Germany. "All sorts of gay and lesbian associations have been emailing and calling in to protest," a spokesman for Bremerhaven's Zoo on the Sea in north-western Germany said.

Ms KÃŒck defended her decision to bring in the females, which, she said, had had little success in "turning" the males.
"Hey, studmuffins! Gotta nice lookin' sardine for ya, whattdya say?"
"The central question is, are our penguins really gay or is it simply a lack of opportunity?" she told Der Spiegel. "So far the males have scarcely thrown the females a single glance. The men have had the opportunity but haven't done it.
Maybe if you'd quit peeking in every five minutes ...
"If the penguins really are gay then obviously they can stay gay."

The experiment goes to the heart of a debate among biologists as to whether homosexuality exists in the animal world. Scientists have found numerous examples of same-sex behaviour in emus, dolphins and pigs, while same-sex couples in other penguin species are also well documented. They include Eric and Donald Dora, two King penguins who live together in Edinburgh Zoo. Yesterday Heiner Klös, a biologist at Berlin's Zoo, said: "The pairs show signs of courtship but they don't actually get round to mating. So I don't think we can say that they are actually gay."
"They may just like watching football and drinking beer together," he added.
In case the existing males show no interest in reproduction, the zoo has also flown in two new male penguins, "so the ladies don't miss out altogether", Ms KÃŒck said.
"I'm tellin' ya, Chad, if we can't get laid now, ..."
Posted by:Steve White

#21  The linux take on this issue...
(h/t to 3dc, heh)
Posted by: .com   2005-02-15 10:54:26 PM  

#20  They keep the business parts hidden inside so as to be better streamlined for swimming

If I spent half my life standing on an Antarctic ice shelf, with my legs an inch and a half long, I wouldn't fancy having my tackle hanging out either.
Posted by: Bulldog   2005-02-15 6:37:09 PM  

#19  Leopard seals make us all shrivel.
Posted by: George the Penguin   2005-02-15 6:11:27 PM  

#18  One of my former techs worked at the Broolkfield Zoo. Her job there: sexing penguins. As it turns out, no, you can't just pick them up and look at their bottoms, because externally they're identical. They keep the business parts hidden inside so as to be better streamlined for swimming (e.g., evading leopard seals). So you have to draw blood and do DNA testing to sex them.
Posted by: Steve White   2005-02-15 5:43:54 PM  

#17  The other clue was the fact that the penguins all had press credentials from Talon News Service....
Posted by: Seafarious   2005-02-15 4:43:42 PM  

#16   I'll look for the one with the biggest honkers.

LOL. Ahem... they'd be falsies tho.
Posted by: Shipman   2005-02-15 4:30:01 PM  

#15  Gus is not alone in his confusion and amorous intentions...

This bunny has decided to do the cat. Period.
Posted by: .com   2005-02-15 4:18:51 PM  

#14  The zoo had been mystified why its endangered Humboldt penguins had failed to breed, until they realised the males had paired off to watch the Oscars.
Posted by: Uleper Hupains4886   2005-02-15 4:03:10 PM  

#13  Tw, right. I have to find Gus a girlfriend, it really freaks out the dog. Gus follows him all over the barnyard and even tries to get in the dog bed with him. Connie the Short Bus Lady and I sit out on the front porch with a cooler of beer and watch the show. Real cheap intertainment. I'll be traveling to a farm a few miles away this weekend to find Gus a female goose. I'll look for the one with the biggest honkers.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2005-02-15 3:54:30 PM  

#12  Yoo-hoo...Gay Penguin...Yoo-hoo!
Posted by: Cheap Slutty Penguin   2005-02-15 3:43:51 PM  

#11  .com, I think DB's point is that there are no broads ... of any species... involved in his little situation.
Posted by: trailing wife   2005-02-15 3:39:23 PM  

#10  The zoo imported the penguins from Sweden last month after finding through DNA tests that three of their five existing pairs were all male.

Three all male pairs?

Not discovered until DNA tests?

Either vets are incompetent, "things" are quite small, or both...
Posted by: BigEd   2005-02-15 1:40:23 PM  

#9  More like "don't have a clue".
Posted by: Pappy   2005-02-15 1:34:02 PM  

#8  "...spent months sitting on a stone instead of an egg..."
Ms Kück didn't know the sexes of her penguins and didn't remove the stone? What is this -- don't ask, don't tell?
Posted by: Tom   2005-02-15 1:15:33 PM  

#7  DB - Lol! That's too broad - I have at least 50 images that qualify as an editorial comment! ;-)
Posted by: .com   2005-02-15 1:14:14 PM  

#6  I need money to do a study on why Gus the Goose, a new resident at the Deacon Blues Pork Palace and Potbles Parlour, has a thing for Buddy the Dog. They are both male so I need LOTS of money to do a study on cross-species homosexuality.
Posted by: Deacon Blues   2005-02-15 1:03:37 PM  

#5  Are the enclosures a little too tastefully done? Is it too neat? Do the penguins in question know more than 5 recipes?
Posted by: Shipman   2005-02-15 12:52:02 PM  

#4  Not that there's anything wrong with it...
Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld   2005-02-15 12:48:50 PM  

#3  Sheesh. Amazing. Instead of studying whether homosexuality exists, the host of idiotic zoophillic assumptions are legion and inane, perhaps they should study whether there are stupid animals. Y'know, the ones that skipped Health 101, for instance.

A bona-fide Wank-o-Matic Winner.
Posted by: .com   2005-02-15 11:13:27 AM  

#2  I nearly fell off my chair laughing at this (the gays and lesbians protesting).
Posted by: phil_b   2005-02-15 12:42:07 AM  

#1  Did they fly the penguins in on the CIA's ghost plane, ready to strut their stuff and flaunt their femalian feathers in front of the helpless Zoo prisoners?

Welcome to Alberto Gonzales' Amerikkka Bremerhaven Zoo 'n' Torture Lab...
Posted by: Seafarious   2005-02-15 12:20:22 AM  

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